Will I Die Today?

Thank you for your critique.

I think you find something wrong with the 'breathing difficult' part, as I have chosen to leave out the 'is' in between the two words.

Also, I understand your concerns with the title choice. I tend to choose titles that directly reflect what the poem will be about or similar, hence my decision to name it what I did. However, I will take your comment into consideration, and try to think of another suitable title (no guarantees though, sorry).

Thanks again,
Alisha

To be honest I think you need to do something about the title, usually questions are somewhat pulling in as the reader gets an idea what the poem will be about, but therefor the question has to be intruiging and make the reader curious. Although yours is somewhat captivating due to how straightforward it is, it did not manage to make me all that curious.

I'll start with what bothers me first: The dots, as melodramatic as they seem it just distracts me too much and I'd prefer it if you hadn't put them.

"Breathing difficult"
^ That verse sounds wrong to me, I do not know why exactly, but something about it bothers me.

I like that your first and second stanza follow some sort of idea, form wise, first verse one word, second verse two and so on, I think that is quite nice and I also like the rhymes, they make the reperition of "Will I die today" sound smooth and it doesn't stand out as much as reperitions tend to do.

I think you could shorten the poem though and it'd still have the same message, also this poem feels different than yours others. I read a lot of maturity in your other writes, while this seems to lack it, therefor it has feelings in them.

Enjoyed reading it!

This breaks my heart. i get the feeling this person was just waiting for his day to come... sometimes i think it's torture to the ones who are truly in pain... all they do is sit and wait... it's horrible. :( a great write. 5/5

All is well Meena, just putting myself in anothers shoes and seeing how they may view their current predicament. Sadly, they didnt make it. May he rest in peace.

Thanks for the comment. (:

There is pain behind each line and in some parts I can feel hopelessness too..each day is a gift and we have to face many challenges in life and that is what makes us stronger...hope all is well with you..take care.