Summer [Chain of Haikus]

Love this Noura!! The description of various elements of nature is spot on. I really love it as a whole piece, but the last two were EPIC!!

Great job hon :)

You just made me spill my coffee Noura!! giggles... this nature Haiku is magical!! I got so excited after I read this that my coffee spilled all over...giggles that's how this poem affected me!!!

As always, your imagination never lets the reader down. You have a talent for gathering the beautiful things around you and fitting them into a poem. Even when the items are completely unrelated to each other, you put them together and together they bring forth that raw intensity that's hard to achieve.

And of course, your diction shines brightly in this piece too. Have you swallowed a dictionary or something? You always seems to pick out the most elegant and unusual words. I don't think I've ever seen someone use "sol" before. I had to wonder why'd you go for such an unusual term for the sun, but maybe the word is just more "intimate", since Sol's the personification of the sun.

The only critique I have is regarding the form. It seems to me that you were trying too hard to fit your words into a 5/7/5 syllable-count. I liked this poem a lot, don't get me wrong. It's a very panoramic nature-poem, and it truly does the beauty of nature justice. I just don't think this structure is fitting. The enjambment doesn't help in emphasizing the importance of a haiku's bit-sized simplicity, if you know what I mean. I think each line should have a certain strength, independently of the following line(s). The way you arranged your words here, easily draws some more attention to certain lines than others. If you swap some words around, you might be able to balance the imagery per line.

For example:
"Pineapples, at the
tip of my lips smiling in
wonder. And Summer"
^ You could change it a bit so that "pineapples" and "smiling" are on the same line, which results in a much more interesting first line due to only two words being put together:
"Pineapples smile
at the tip of my lips
.............................."

You may try to put two lines together as a set (which means that these two lines could run-on after the space) and then end each haiku with a concluding line. I think that's one of the traditional built-ups of a haiku, can't quite remember.

I think your first, second and fourth stanza somewhat applied to this built-up. Just the third stanza was a bit out of place with its built-up.

But it's nice to see you trying something new, I bet it was another challenge, eh? ;) Keep writing!

:O

Awesome

Somtimes it's hard to write one Haiku but then you have just completed four amazing.

I loved the images of pineapples. Oh it made my mouth water. It very much reminded me of summer.

Awesome write hun

x

I love how you personified Summer as a 'he'- it makes the whole season feel more real and approachable. I love haiku's so much and reading a chain of them was just enchanting! This whole poem just filled me with peace and sunshine.....the part that made me feel really happy was about the moth, sometimes I forget about them, but the part about its wings being between pages of grass was incredible.

Love the images that flowed so brightly and how you made me feel them too :]