To die to not to die

I locked the door,
And trapped my fear,
I felt like even God could not touch me here,
And I knew that even though the skies were grey,
Behind those clouds was the only way,

Taking knife in hand,
I slid down the wall,
It was so controlled and yet it was my fall,
With my head in my knees I started to pray,
That my brother and sister would not turn out this way,

I stumbled to a stand,
And felt the tears roll down my cheeks,
I looked so strong, but felt so weak,
The reflection in the mirror told a story so true,
My heart was torn and it was with no thanks to you,

Sweat was puddles in my hands,
The wind was heaven on my skin,
But I had to shut the window, to keep all of my screams in,
My mind kept racing, there was no escape,
I was so damn sure, my life was a mistake,

Or was it yours that was mistaken,
Well now I’ll never know,
My breathing tastes restricted,
So much alike yours I know,
Forget it, I’m forgetting you,
For all the bad you've done,
I'll slit my burning blue veins,
Just to be someone,

The deafening ringing in my ears,
Is blinding me as well,
I could have had a happy life,
But it's all too late to tell,
My thoughts are changing paths,
And I know it's far delayed,
But if I could just scream out, just once,
I know I would be saved...