Wow
This is amazing poem
Starting with title
Well it just caught my eyes xD
I dont need to tell u what I thought of it at first lol
But this poem hold a great message
It is simple or maybe a whole metaphor
I dont know but this is just perfect read
Love it

I was only thinking about ten mins ago when im going to see your next piece, and as always jenni its just a dream to read, images so sharp i could cut myself on them :-)

Wonderful write just wonderful x

An amazing write! i haven't ready anything similar, it's creative and unique... great job! 5/5

Very creative and yet so real
excellent Jen

OH Im loveing this creative piece! I feel the city is one of the most powerful inspirations to write... Nature is number one of course, but if you look in the city it gives you thousands of angles... to write a metaphoric and inspirational piece of art.. and you did just that Jenni! LOVE THIS POEM!

Jenni I love the image in this piece. I had to read it a couple of times because when I read it the first time, I had this memory come to mind and and I think it's because of certain words you've used in the poem. The description of leaving a copy shop with sunglasses and talk of mourning just made me think about the time I went with my sibblings to get copies of photos of my uncle who had passed away. The sunglasses made me think of hiding their eyes because they were crying. It may have nothing to do with this poem but the words simply brought one memory back.

I enjoyed this write completely.

x

A nomination for next week.

Jennifer, you're marvellous.

Jen jen

this was a great piece very creative
it sucked me in from the tittle well done

Never stop writing.

Your best line is "Carrying their burden in shopping bags"
Just a few commas missing here and there, otherwise a good poem.

is lacking that idleness and that their bustle hits you.

Could you drop the second "that"

which doesn't quite pay one's last respects to someone.

Just seems a little long, and doesn't quite flow as nice as the rest.

though in the end we're all just park bench people.

I like this line, but does it work?
What about without "Just"?

Just my opinions and you can tell me what to do with them if you want.

regards

Darren

Jenni, I miss reading from you :)
I know you don't submit your poems often, so I might as well try to leave a worthwhile comment.
You had some really well-crafted imagery here; concrete and realistic ones, which I feel did your poem a favour.

'Cattails stray between garbage cans,
empty beer bottles and sleeping bags,
in search of humanity as animal,
just like those, who live there.'
^ As I've said, the imagery was vivid. The syntax just seemed a tad bit off. Who are searching for humanity..? I think this needs rephrasing perhaps? Right now, I read 'cattails, beer bottles and sleeping bags' are in search of humanity...

'While others who crave for independence
are being guided by traffic lights.'
^ The previous stanza might be talking about homeless people (or as stated in the end; park bench people), and I interpret that these lines symbolize the middle class people.
The following lines depict what happens everyday in a typical, modern-day (polluted) city.

'As soon as one leaves the copy shop,
because everything is done,
carrying their burden in shopping bags,
putting the sunglasses on,
so that the light of truth isn't blinding
and walks home unhurriedly,
it's possible that someone else
is lacking that idleness and their bustle hits you.'
^ I really think that this piece would benefit with the usage of punctuation, full stops in particular.
Message-wise, I interpret that the 'ones' leaving the 'copy shop' are just ordinary people of today going about their everyday business; their routine. I like the shopping bags and sunglasses. I can see why you chose that as the title. I see the shopping bags are symbols depicting useless things, yet people still buy/carry them; it's become routine. I also like the sunglasses metaphor. It shows that with the whole 'routine' people follow each day, they play blind perhaps, to the people around them. In this piece, the 'park bench people'.

I adore the ending, Jenni. I wasn't expecting that. Very powrful.
People are becoming selfish these days, and more often, growing heartless. You penned that perfectly here. The last lines really hit me hard. 'We're all park bench people'. To me, it says something like, in the end, no one really cares. Life goes on no matter what happens to you; you will eventually be forgotten once you're gone.

Brilliant!

Well done!