Empty

by Something Diabolical   Jun 14, 2012


Peering into my mind, is a fools errand my friend
Not even i can begin to speculate
The feelings i have, are they true or fake?
Not knowing what is real is a curse

Trying to conquer the maze in my head
Something I have learnt I will never acheive
Cut off from others and any emotion
Only Logic has got me this far

Small glipses of feelings once felt
Come to me from time to time
They confuse me so
Was i really like you once?

Being like me has an advantage
There is no pain in my existance, no heartache, no fear
Living only to live
Is that not the meaning of life?

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  • 9 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Really well written and I can relate to this!

  • 11 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    Oh. Holy crap.

    When I came to your profile, I wasn't expecting you to have written the thoughts inside my own head.

    Nit-pick: Capitalising I's and 'glipses '-glimpses?

    Now that's out of the way, I love this. You just described perfectly what it feels like to be completely cut off from the rest of the world and trapped in the most dangerous of places-your own head.

    "Living only to live
    Is that not the meaning of life? "

    I've been sitting here for at least five minutes pondering this question. And I came to the conclusion that whilst of course it is wonderful to be so cut off from others that you feel little or no pain or fear...what isn't so wonderful is that you are not allowing yourself to feel the happier emotions. Joy, laughter, smiles, love.

    Neither side of the equation can exist without the other, but I do believe that the pain we sometimes feel throughout our life span IS worth the happier times, worth the more pleasant emotion and experiences.

    Without those emotions, good or bad, you're not 'living' persay, but surviving and being denied the chance at a full life.

    And if this is how you feel and ever need someone to talk to-I'm just a PM away :)

  • 11 years ago

    by CathyButterflyJC

    Wow, I really loved the depths of this poem that is put into your soul and the readers, beautiful work, so well flowed and expressed

  • 11 years ago

    by Amreen

    Wonderful!! Your flow is good and the message came across.
    Keep penning(:

  • Peering into my mind, is a fools errand my friend
    Not even i can begin to speculate
    The feelings i have, are they true or fake?
    Not knowing what is real is a curse

    ^^
    I love that beginning line! It really sets the course for the whole piece.
    Just watch the capitalisation of your 'i' (two instances in this verse)
    Not being able to decipher reality from surreality/non reality is certainly a curse.
    Our minds are a confusing maze even to ourselves so yes, it would be pointless for another to try to decipher what's inside.

    Trying to conquer the maze in my head
    Something I have learnt I will never acheive
    Cut off from others and any emotion
    Only Logic has got me this far

    ^^
    Typo: 'acheive' - achieve'
    I like how you have personified 'logic' - like it has a mind of its own.
    The last line should read:
    'only Logic has gotten me this far'
    Nice work linking this stanza with the first - that first line just kept the story flowing perfectly.

    Small glipses of feelings once felt
    Come to me from time to time
    They confuse me so
    Was i really like you once?

    ^^
    Typo: 'glipses' - 'glimpses'
    Again watch your capitalisation of 'i' (once here)
    I like the use of the question - seems to imply that you have changed at some point, but you don't know for sure (again the inability to decipher reality from non reality.
    Again, great linking to the storyline.
    I also like how you've brought up your emotions, like you know you've had them, but it's become difficult to understand them - perhaps something has happened to cause you to feel disconnected from yourself and reality?

    Being like me has an advantage
    There is no pain in my existance, no heartache, no fear
    Living only to live
    Is that not the meaning of life?

    ^^
    Typo: 'existance' - 'existence'
    Again the use of the question is great - you're involving the reading, making them think about what life means to them, etc.
    A great ending! You almost look at your predicament as though it's a positive, though not entirely, more like you're being stubborn about it.

    Keep writing! 5/5

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