Comments : I have two spirits once mine and the other my grand pa

  • 12 years ago

    by Yrem Crish

    Very emotional and I can feel what the writer's trying to describe the persona's feeling here. I love the simplicity in this piece and the direct to the point. I enjoyed reading your poem. keep writing more.
    5/5
    ~C

  • 12 years ago

    by Jess

    Thanks crishmer

  • 12 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    Okay,

    I think you have some emotion here, but it needs to come out deeper, and trying to add punctuation and capital letters where they should be helps with this...

    I have some suggestions, I've written the poem out again, with punctuation and grammar corrections and just added words here and there...

    Where are you?
    why do I miss you
    for I cannot understand.

    I am on the ground, you under it,
    you left when i was only three
    and that was hard on me.

    i lived in your home fourteen years ago,
    and now I cannot feel you, Why?

    I can only see you in my dreams
    and that is hard on me,
    If you were alive,
    would you love or hate this gift of mine?
    would you like to listen to it or read what I say?

    every day I will dream of you, till the day comes I'll love you.

    ^^I hope it was okay what I did...just adding the correct punctuation really helps the flow.

    But a good piece no doubt.

    • 12 years ago

      by Jess

      Thank you very much,I will do with your advice
      That is really means alot to me

  • 12 years ago

    by Omar

    Very deep poem. I'm sorry about you grandpa. :(
    Love reading this poem. Keep it up.

    • 12 years ago

      by Jess

      Thanks omar,your comment gave me the inspiration for writing more

  • 12 years ago

    by Marvellous

    We die all day long, to live on. Nothing has come to stay, but truth. Take heart and carry on, with peace.

    • 12 years ago

      by Jess

      Yeah,you are right but what hurts me and let me can't forget that I live in his home

  • 11 years ago

    by sham pulok

    Nice poem... i like the feelings of it

    • 11 years ago

      by Jess

      Thank you sham pulok