You never knew
But every smile
Every wink
Every hug
It had me falling for you
It's been years since it happened
My world ended, not in a bang, not in a whimper
It ended with a simple smile
Suddenly I had a new purpose
To keep that smile on your face
I have to say, I was selfish
I hid things from you
I broke off our plans
I ran away without a goodbye
But you stayed with me
Miles and miles apart
You were still there
Making me hate you
Because now I had to tell you my secret
But I had to wait, had to say it to your face
So I did, for days to weeks to months
Then one day, we were finally face-to-face
And I choked.
The words stuck in my throat
You told me everything I'd missed
And I kept silent, until I left again.
You wouldn't believe how much I hated myself
I had a chance and I blew it
I cried myself to sleep.
Time passed and I thought it was over
That my crush had faded
That I could move on
I gotta say, I've never been more crushed
Then when I looked at your Facebook
And you were dating a guy
Couldn't hate him either
Cause he made you so happy
So I buried everything deep inside
And I said congrats
It's a good thing you couldn't see me
Otherwise you'd ask why I had tears in my eyes.
Not too long after, I left for boot camp
It was a good distraction
Didn't even think of you
Not the first week, at least
Not until people started talking about their loves
About their boyfriends and girlfriends,
Waiting back home for them.
That was the first of many nights
I fell asleep with you on my mind since we'd talked.
I focused on my work and made it out
Now I'm surrounded by happy couples
And I feel worse than ever.
I drink to numb myself
To feel giddy and enjoy life
But all I end up doing
Is writing about you
I have to wonder
Did you ever think of me?
Did you ever wonder about us?
If I had told you, would you have said it back?
If we had gotten together, would you be happy?
But my sister tells me to stop
Time heals all wounds
You can't get stuck on one person,
You'll miss out on everything else
I need to give you up,
The memory I hold of you,
Laughing and smiling.
I just don't have the strength.
I'm sorry I love you.
