I Loathe The Middle

by Hurtingsoul   Jun 18, 2012


I heard a saying once...
"A foot at the entrance of heaven and a foot resting in Hell"
And sometimes I feel the same
As if I am stuck between doubt and certainty

When I close my eyes I can visualize this struggle inside me

Pouring rain crashing against the Goosebumps on my skin
As my tears weaves with the rain drops
Standing still, movement completely ceased
The hairs on my back raised against the weight of my follies

I feel so guilty and angry
Like a ball of fury waiting to explode
Like a grenade itching for safety lever release
Like a gun begging for a trigger
I am restless
In a state of perpetual motion within a frozen body

Restless.

And when I get moments of clarity
When the anger recedes
I am left as a resentful mess
Hating everyone and everything simply because I'm hurting

And I want people to hurt just as bad.

I want my pain to bleed onto them
Like a disease contaminating them with pure agony
I want them to ache just as bad
as a concoction of a cluster headache and a fever
They should suffer like I suffer

But I know. It's not right. It never is.

And I guess this is the battle I've had with myself all my life.
Right and wrong-
Choosing to feed this dark corner of my soul with rebellion,
Choosing to grind my teeth, against my will, I follow my conscience
"A foot at the entrance of heaven and a foot resting in Hell"

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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by Purple Rose

    Typos: Second stanza, second line "As my tears weaves with the rain drops," I believe "weaves" needs to be "weave." However, I am warning you that I might be totally wrong. It is one of those situations where you think you are right, but you might not be. It is just that the way you have it doesn't sound quite right to me...

    Wow, this is quite a masterpiece. I always enjoy reading your poems for some reason :)

    As I was reading this, I realized that you capitalized 'hell' but not 'heaven.' I was wondering why you did that - does 'hell' have a more significant meaning to you or did you just not capitalize 'heaven' by mistake?

    "I feel so guilty and angry
    Like a ball of fury waiting to explode
    Like a grenade itching for safety lever release
    Like a gun begging for a trigger
    I am restless
    In a state of perpetual motion within a frozen body"

    ^ This is a beautiful stanza right here. I can just imagine what you are going through as I read it. Kind of makes me feel the same way as well which is weird...

    "I want my pain to bleed onto them
    Like a disease contaminating them with pure agony
    I want them to ache just as bad
    as a concoction of a cluster headache and a fever
    They should suffer like I suffer"

    ^ This stanza right here is the most powerful in this poem in my opinion. It holds so much...emotion in it that it is unbelievable. Every time I read it, I kind of have to remember to breathe afterwords - it takes my breath away. I have felt this way so many times before, and I am sure that others have as well. You just put it into words that make it come alive.

    This is an epic poem in my opinion. I love it - going into my favorites :]

    Excellent/powerful/brilliant
    5/5

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