So Where Does It Hurt? (Double Senryu).

by Steven Beesley   Jun 19, 2012


So where does it hurt?
It hurts when you go away
Need to get better!

Please help me get well.
Kiss me, the pain will be gone.
Now kiss me some more.

Senryu:

Of Japanese origin, short poem of 3 lines with a syllable count of 5-7-5. Usually personal or funny in nature.

Double Senryu 5-7-5 x 2

19th June, 2012 (c)

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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by L

    Hehe, sorry.

    Okay, So this line has 6 syllables and it should have 5...

    Please help me get better.

    So my suggestion is to change "better" to "well"
    then it will have 5 syllables.

    • 12 years ago

      by Steven Beesley

      Thanks, I missed that. Today is not my day for writing. I completely rewrote the (Lai) poem as I forgot about the rhyme requirement (idiot that I am), hehehe =)

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