Iceman -part (1)

Nana, When I read this, I really felt the coldness with the sadness...the deepness ran through the whole poem

I can't really say much about this...I want to leave a proper comment but my head won't allow me...it is heavy with life and to try and explain anything about this poem would fail me and leave with a load of gobbledegook you won't understand...

But very good piece...amazing creativity

xxxx

Typos: first stanza, second line, I would change 'in' to 'on' since nothing can go 'in' a plate...also in the fourth stanza, first line I would change 'Shouldn't have ran a mile for snowman' to 'Shouldn't have ran a mile for a snowman.' I would also change this line 'Should have ran a mile from snowman," to 'Should have ran a mile away from the snowman," or something like that. The way you have it doesn't quite make sense to me...I mean I know what you are saying, but I think it would sound better this way...however, it is your poem. I am just giving my opinion...

This is such a heartbreaking poem, Nana (hope you don't mind if I call you that, since you don't really know me...)

"Should have never made
up half a lie complete,
for it made my inner home,
as filthy as a disowned street."

^ This is probably the part that tells the most about what your relationship was like with the person - I can only assume that you are talking about someone you used to love because it is in the 'lost love' section. I think after all of this happened, you probably realized that this man wasn't good for you because this poem made it sound like he was playing with your life/love...

"Should have ran a mile
from snowman,
your nose, a carrot,
never smelled the
sun odor clinging to my hair,
not like you had hands to touch,
or eyes to see.
Perfectly white, a man of ice
not in love, never was in love
with me."

^ I also liked how you compared this man to a snowman in this stanza, and in the fourth one as well. I also like how you compared yourself to the sun - when the snowman and you are compared, you two are polar opposites. It shows how different you two were. Beautiful metaphors, even though they are sad at the same time.

I hope everything is better now - I believe you found a new man? Well I hope he is treating you better than this one did :)

Excellent/heartbreaking
5/5

Nana -

I am really sad to read sadness in here. I know you feel damn happy now with your new nice (hot :P) boyfriend but still...I know what breaks your heart. I know old love may hurt.

There are parts here that made me feel how poetically you improved. The way you know how to list things, different things and connect them to each other is just lovely and professional.

'a bridge, a call, a beat
a fire..'

and

'the stars, the moon,
the dark blue...'

Just prove my point.

Never let thunder get to your ears, never let it ruin the security you're feeling inside even if it sounded sweet at first. Because I don't love to see you feeling cold. Forget about time, past, stars, old promises and fragments...just embrace what you have now because what you have now is beautiful.

You touched me, Nana. Too deeply this time around. Nominated.