City Of Light

This is so very beautiful!

I love your rhyme pattern - the first eight lines all rhymes with the same sound and the last eight with another. I havent seen that rhyme pattern before and I really like it.

Just one thing..
In the first stanza 'took' in the second line should be 'take' I think - just it sounds off when paired with 'fall' in the third line as one is past tense and one is present tense. Just sounds awkward the way it is, but its only a minor thing...

Overall, I loved the beauty and simplicity of the piece. You have chosen your words with care and paid attention to detail in order to create imagery - but at the same time, the detail isn't over done.

As I've said above, you have created vivid imagery in this piece.
Also, you have managed to express the joy and love that is felt clearly.
The flow is flawless and, as mentioned above, rhyme is amazing! I love the pattern.

5/5

This is so very beautiful!

I love your rhyme pattern - the first eight lines all rhymes with the same sound and the last eight with another. I havent seen that rhyme pattern before and I really like it.

Just one thing..
In the first stanza 'took' in the second line should be 'take' I think - just it sounds off when paired with 'fall' in the third line as one is past tense and one is present tense. Just sounds awkward the way it is, but its only a minor thing...

Overall, I loved the beauty and simplicity of the piece. You have chosen your words with care and paid attention to detail in order to create imagery - but at the same time, the detail isn't over done.

As I've said above, you have created vivid imagery in this piece.
Also, you have managed to express the joy and love that is felt clearly.
The flow is flawless and, as mentioned above, rhyme is amazing! I love the pattern.

5/5

I lovvvve this beautiful poem. The images, the words are awesome. I love the word serendipitous, such a wonderful word to include in a poem.

The rhyming is great! It was most enjoyable to read hun. I love the feelings I got from the words, the warm feeling inside, the images were beautiful also.

AWESOME

x

I love the 'ance' and 'ight' rhymes, it fits so well with what you want to say: romance. I love the feelings that are simple yet I can't deny that I was distracted with the overly-worded adjectives. Such as 'serendipitous' and 'frivolous'. You are talking in a smooth tone here and these words just interrupt that tone and leave the reader struggling with the pronunciation. But of course, that would be my only critique here because I enjoyed the emotions. :)

I love that you put France in here, even though some may think it's forced (to comply with the 'ance' rhyming.) Still, I think it's a nice addition, regarding your title; the City of Lights. I feel as if you are changing your style from time to time and I love that. Yesterday I read a wholly different poem from you and now this. I just like that. And I think it proves your ability to express whatever you feel inside.

I am happy to become one of your regular readers on here. Loved this.

HAHA this is about meeeeeeee andd zouukaaa :P "after they realise its love at first sight." ya ya romance and such :P anyways :P

wonderfulllllllll, just like everything you write, i love how it flowed soooooooooo smoothly. I loved the rhyme scheme seriously, so well penned, I loved how your character sounds very proud of her feelings (like meee) and very happy about it.

VERY hopefull, holding promises and faith for this what you have (like a couple i know :p)

think it was brilliant :)
love u, love it!