The Sweetest Illusion

I was waiting for you to come
and make me forget about the cold
some will say distance is for the weak
and some for the bold
I only wanted to have two warm hands
that I could just hold
and an honest heart I could trust
and love made of pure gold
Deep inside I knew the best gift for me
would never be sold
and felt like it was impossible
for this long story to be told
but had to admit I was just waiting for nothing
until I got old

You had made up your mind
and thought you should walk away
I tried to change your mind
and did everything so that you'd stay
you then asked me to try to understand
your reasoning and obey
Broke up with me but told me nothing,
you had nothing else to say
You said,if we're meant to be,i t won't change anything,we'll one day
I know I said I wouldn't hurt you,
but for me, there's no easier way
so you left me broken and alone
while everything was turning grey

Maybe it wasn't your fault
that I am not the one you want and need
You always seemed to be in your own world,
living at your own speed
but when I told you I loved you so much
couldn't you have disagreed?
And if you did nothing wrong
why don't you care but just let me bleed?
but why am I bleeding anyway
when I know this you'll never ever read

Some day you might feel alone
and sad like nothing goes right
then think of me and all the things
we would talk about at night
Imagine us holding hands,
walking together towards that light
where everything is much better
and easier and the sun is bright
forget about all the times you yelled at me
and we got in a fight
remember,I might hate myself tomorrow
but I will love you tonight

Oh how I wish I hadn't been so restless
but realistic and smart
maybe I could have refused to be just a friend
or to play this part
or had never forgiven you
but accepted we would always be apart
when you threw everything I gave you away
and broke my heart
Somedays, I want to forget everything
and go back to the start
But then I remind myself it will never happen,
my life I can't restart

I keep telling myself you never loved me
since you left me days ago
You'd just blame me for everything
that went wrong, said I didn't know
when all I was asking for was for you to be strong
and try not to let go
I believed you could actually love me
since you said you thought so
Even though whatever we had is over,
there are things you still owe
Making me feel stupid to have loved you,
wondering why you said no
when I asked you if you were playing me
and how you could be so low

I never had the impression it would be easy
when I got to know you
but there were some things I expected
you to say to me and do
like let me know if something changed
or you found someone new
I wanted to share my feelings,
thoughts and all the pictures I drew
I loved everything about you
and wanted you to say ''I do, too''
everything I gave you, you destroyed,
everything away you threw
and I'm thinking there's another side of you
that I never ever knew

Why did you ignore me like that
and why didn't you ever try?
Why did you pretend you couldn't hear me
everytime I'd cry?
Why did you use to say you loved me
when it was just a lie?
Why did you leave me so soon
without even saying goodbye?
Why did you become the one
without whom I cannot get by?
And why do my tears fall endlessly
but I still don't ask why?

But it's time for me to accept the fact
that you'll never be mine
as much as I tried, as much as I prayed,
the sun won't shine
as long as you're happy
and satisfied with your life, I'll be fine
If only I could have one more wish
and just turn water into wine
But this won't happen, that you care about me,
there's no sign
and I've done things I said I wouldn't do,
I have crossed the line

No matter what I say or do from now on,
it's all the same
I keep thinking about what we could be,
it's such a shame
That we'll never have some pictures of us
to put in a frame
You won't realize how much
I want you to say my name
I thought we'd some day be together
when the time came
I was mistaken though 'cause you seemed
to play a game
and you yelled at me saying
I was the only one to blame

I did everything to please you,
scared that I'd let you down
You said you loved my smile
and didn't want me to frown
You thought I was a naive, stupid girl,
nothing but a clown
I seemed so pathetic and miserable,
a stranger in my town
And tried to control my tears
when they said I should drown

What did I do that made you so distance,
what went wrong?
Did you lie to me everytime you said
you loved me all along?
Or did you wake up feeling that here
you never truly belong?
Would anything be different
if you didn't have to wait this long?
Would your feelings change
if I told you I'd write you a song?

Have you ever wondered what was the reason
I was willing to wait?
Did you ever understand how I felt
when you asked me on a date?
Back then, I never thought you'd be too coward to get it straight
Guessed you'd be honest with me
and everything would be great
I made plans and was dreaming about how
we'd meet at the gate
Looked at myself in the mirror and smiled,
guessed you'd be late

I dreamed about us spending time together,
having our own land
Embracing you and smiling at you happily,
while holding your hand
Reality isn't better than my dreams,
your ignorance I cannot stand
And now I know nothing will ever happen
as it was actually planned
They were right when they said
you can't build anything upon sand

You never took me seriously or even cared,
so, tired as I was, I gave in
who cares if I die anyway, in the games you played, you'd always win
Your words hurt me more than a cut,
I felt it both in my heart and skin
I let you see my smile, laugh,
and love but never the hurt trapped within
I regret the day I fell for you,
I'm still thinking about what we could've been
Now I'm alone, unable to go back to the start,
tell me where do I begin

My sorry eyes can now see what
you were doing to me, I fell fast
I should've guessed my dreams
and wishes would turn into dust
I simply forgot what was right,
actually believed we two, could last
I was so happy that I found the one I loved,
the one I could trust
I'll now leave behind what I want to do
and remember what I must
And since everything was a lie, from now on,
you belong to my past.