Abandoned

Very deep and emotional Jen

The wording was awesome I especially
Like the ending

5/5

Believe me hun, your inspiration is there because this poem was awesome.

I mean the first three lines - on a day that did not contain numbers. I loved this because it makes you think. Every day has numbers to this image you have expressed is awesome.

Jenni, I always love your writes. You don't write as often as others maybe, but when you do, they always end up masterpieces.

Loved it

x

Typos: fourth stanza, third line, I believe 'of' should be 'off' because the saying is usually 'roll off the tongue' or something like that. However, I am just trying to help :)

Very, very deep here Jenni. I sense some dark feelings in this poem.

'on a day that did not
mention numbers.'

^ This line is very interesting to me, because I cannot think of a day that does not include numbers...I keep trying to think of one, but I still haven't come up with any yet. This must be a day that has a very deep meaning to you. Thought I would mention that, because I have no idea what you meant here :]

'My sugarcoated words
make you look so ugly.'

^ I have to say that this is the most powerful stanza right here even though it is one of the shortest. It holds so much disgust - ugly, what a powerful word. Usually meant to be very harmful as well to the self esteem of the person who it is directed at.

'I never wore my heart
on my tongue to say words,
that roll of easily for some,
nor was it on my palm.'

^ This reminds me of the saying about wearing your heart on your sleeve for everyone to see. I have never heard it as wearing it on your tongue, because I didn't think that was possible, so I have to admit that this stanza is a little awkward for me. However, I still think it is powerful.

'Yet I should probably
bite my lip nonetheless
as I can't receive kisses
from the dead.'

^ I have to agree with Ben, and Abed. This is a very powerful, magnificent ending. It is kind of like you were trying to 'slam' the person in a way, or that is what it seemed like to me. I think you succeeded very well.

Overall, this is a very beautiful poem Jenni. It is filled with so much emotion, that is it packed. I can't help feeling sorry for the person though, because it seems like you are angry with them even though they are dead, or just not there. There is so much behind it, that I am scared to even try to decipher it and that is saying something.

Excellent
5/5

Jenni, the ending is wooww!

Wow Jenni, this was so deep and some parts of it leave me wondering.....this person walked out of your life, and from what I gather gave up his own life also, abandoning this friendship or these emotions you felt. A lot said in a few words. Absolutely heartbreaking.