OMG!! I love this write syrup, wonderfully dark and expressive, i love how you conjure up these pieces out of thin air, your pen is like a musical intrument...when you pick it up the most amazing feelings and senses come out and get moved.

The strength in it flowed amazingly and i think it was purrrrrrfectly penned :-)

5/5 all day long!!

I'll just copy my comment :)
I think it's nice, especially the fact that you decided to have short verses, makes the whole reading process very hectical in a good way obviously. The pace is higher than with other pieces and I think that is necessary in dark poems because that increases the suspense.
Yes, the poem is highly visual but I don't see a problem with that, I think you should have kept it up there as it's very well written.

O.O wooooooooooooow this is A M A Z I N G:)

Creeeepy title

This is beautiful. The title is 'creepy' but fitting :)

I especially love this part:

"my body is the
insane asylum darling,
choke upon a lithium,
let us float upon
this cloud together
until lightening
strikes our
demented minds
in two"

I can sense sadness, hopelessness but love as well. The dark tone was consistent all throughout; I love that.
Just a minor typo on 'lightning'.
Otherwise: Perfect!

Keep writing

Hey hun!

I am glad you posted this one. The darkness certainly comes through within the words and I love how you have laid the poem out.

I love the use of the word thunder because thunder to me is something strong, powerful and awesome. To say that you are thunder means to say that you are strong and powerful (in which I believe is true)

Your use of images is wonderful, talking about arteries and choking on lithium, so much said in this piece!

Awesome write hun LOVED IT

x

A new style which I so very much favor from you. I love the short lines, it was kind of an adrenaline rush. (Y)