by David Todd Jul 4, 2012
category :
Love, romance /
love is
As she lie in the softness of her own calm soul. |
by Terry Hume
I like the sentimentality in this poem. It is obvious anyone reading this can see it in the words you use. I am fond of the line "to build her life's bouquet". Seems like her life will be filled with flowers. There are a few errors in grammar as in "lie" should be "lies". The word "own" is unecessary. I would also delete "by her feminity", that adds nothing to the poem and weighs it down. Also I would write it as "her smile like stars". This is just a suggestion mind you but the poem is more powerful this way: |
by losing myself
I love the emotion in this, really good poem(: |