The last minute

by The Poet Behind The Poems   Jul 5, 2012


This was a challenge piece I wrote it in one miniute then a bit editing to see if I could recreate a last minute

My heart beats with the pace of a train
rumbling across the tracks
My eyes water with the blood of a lost soul
but my body is relaxed.

They say the first step is the hardest
but believe me when I say it's the last
Will I still be breathing the contamination
of this world or will it end fast.

My head plays the film of my life over
in my head,does it have to be this way?
Maybe theirs someone else out there
someone who would never betray.

As I pull my hand up to wipe away
the last tear I will cry for you
I look straight head , take my final step
and fall ...
fall ...
to end that's sad but true.

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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by Lioness

    I like what you have done here, kinda freaked me out because I don't like the idea of dying, but that's just because I am scared of it.

    The poem itself was quite unique. I love what you wrote here, love the rhyming.

    For something that took you only a minute to write I thought was great. I think it is wonderful that you gave yourself the challenge!

    Awesome

    x

  • 12 years ago

    by Decayed

    Tony, aside from the un-alluring shape and errors, I'm quite fond of your content. You have a vivid imagination :)

  • 12 years ago

    by mandy

    Lovely poem, some really good lines. I felt that this kind of exposed how lost a mind can become during times of difficulties. 5/5

    mandy :)

    p.s. Thank you for the comment, it's always appreciated. I'll be sure to check out more of your work.

  • 12 years ago

    by BlueJay

    Though this is shortish, it has tons of emotion, and thought. Some places were quite redundant, which sorta annoyed me, though the rest was well expressed. However the style was plain, the theme was bland, and the actual piece kinda seemed pointless. In my opinion this is not your best piece. I mean for purposes of venting or people in the same boat I can say it has done its job. But to entertain or tell a story or help learn something it doesn't pass the test. The word choice seemed way too ordinary and your voice wasn't as prominent as it seems to be normally.

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