Comments : Stranger

  • 12 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Good poem, I could relate to this as I had the same things said about me, often just staying in my room.

    You have expressed yourself well and showed the affect words can have on you.

    The opening to your poem was very powerful because straight away you create a mystery as to why this person walking in the room holds so much impact by being there. As you then go on to describe more, it gives the reader more understanding of what you are writing about.

    There are a few mistakes you need to fix :
    Yet they lack the knowldge there words.
    Cause searing pain.

    For me - this didnt make sense, I had to study it to find out what you meant, if you read the second line I think it would read better as " Yet they lack the knowledge THAT THEIR words .. cause searing pain.

    This line : They don't know there own daughter.
    - the word there should be their.

    The next line : Don't wan to understand her passion for reading, writing.
    - the second word I assume should read want? So is missing the T at the end?

    After fixing these errors you will give it more justice. It is a good poem.

    You also ended it well with the hopelessness feeling that you feel it will remain this way until you leave. This is sad but a powerful thought to end the poem.

    The title is good because it gives no clue to what the poem is about but then makes sense after reading the poem.

    Well done.

    • 12 years ago

      by Special K

      Why, thankyou for your comment. Not only was it helpful but also flattering, I apolgize for my lack of spelling and right use of words. For I am only 13 and the device I use has no spellcheck.