Comments : Non-seasonal Narcissus

  • 12 years ago

    by Decayed

    I love how you soar with your words up high... an original write ;)

  • 12 years ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    I love the flow, each line well tuned
    beautiful

  • 12 years ago

    by Naughtymouse

    OH god damm it every time you write something i have to find room in my favourites and this is no different lol!

    The smell of your
    perfume still clings
    to every strand
    of my hair. But its
    the way you play
    with it until I fall
    asleep is what I
    miss the most.

    ^^^^ This is my favourite stanza, love them all but someone playing with your hair until you fall asleep is so intermate and romantic i just love it!!

    the flow of this piece and indeed the word are just magical, great imagery as i've become to expect now but there is something about this piece that just rings true to me and i simply adore it :-)

  • 12 years ago

    by L

    :( don't know, why can it be just like that?

    I adore the tone of the poem, it kept consistent and also dreamy.

    but at the same time, I could picture the flowers and the scent.

    "The smell of your
    perfume still clings
    to every strand
    of my hair. But its
    the way you play
    with it until I fall
    asleep is what I
    miss the most."

    --- This stanza for me was the one that had the most vivid imagery and my favorite one too. I like the word clings, it fits the context in my opinion and it stood to me.

    Well written.

  • 12 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    The imagery in this is too great for words.
    The stanza about playing with your hair is simply amazing, I always love that feeling... it's so calming and intimate.

    Beautiful write!

  • 12 years ago

    by Xanthe

    I feel so guilty not commenting on your poems, but I do love reading them :)

    "Like a nonseasonal
    field of blooming
    narcissus your
    scent is haunting
    me everywhere .."

    I like how you started with a simile; creating a nostalgic tone and vivid imagery at the same time. Sometimes, some things/smell reminds us of someone whenever we see/smell these things.

    "Thesmell of your
    perfume still clings
    to every strand
    of my hair. But its
    the way you play
    with it until I fall
    asleep is what I
    miss the most."

    The nostalgia is undeniable here. I love nostalgic poems as they make me think and remember things in the past as well. I always feel a warm yet cold feeling whilst reading such poems, and I felt that here; I love that.

    "You were
    the perfect image
    I always took to my
    dreamworld."

    I usually am not too keen on 'cute' words/images, such as 'dreamworld' here. But it fits and it shows the reader a bit of who the poet is (you).

    "Remember?You
    once asked me and
    I just smiled back."

    This is just beautiful and sad. There's something about remembering that's so beautiful and sad at the same time (to me). I absolutely love the last line here. It shows the close bond the persona has with the person she misses. Silence between two people who've known each other for long is lovely, not as awkward as with strangers.

    "So yes, I did listen
    to the way your heart
    was beating, I heard
    ballads of life .. Of
    our life ..
    .. or maybe a mirage
    that was never meant
    to become a reality."

    Sometimes, I find lines/stanzas that I find myself wishing I wrote instead haha. 'Ballads of life' is so poetic and breathtaking. I love how you wrote 'mirage' as well.

    "Why can't you be
    like a nonseasonal
    field of blooming
    narcissus ..
    Always here .. always mine."

    The ending is just remarkable. I would've placed a question mark after 'narcissus', but this is perfect as it is.
    One of the best poems I've read in a while. Keep writing :)

  • 12 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    This is such a nostalgic poem about remembering, and you give off that aroma of this person you are thinking back on, wishing for certain moments. Beautiful flow and the imagery really plays on the senses, it's like this person's presence is still among you.

    A wonderful read Meme! Thanks for sharing and take care.