Comments : The Unseen Damage

  • 12 years ago

    by Purple Rose

    Very good poem. The rhymes were excellent, and the syllables were not all over the place. However, there is one where it doesn't exactly rhyme that well which is the last one:

    'We are told to move on,
    Just forget what has been.
    They just don't understand,
    The damage unseen.'

    ^ The words 'been' and 'seen' are pronounced differently, even though they are spelled the same way :/ Words can be so annoying sometimes...but since you are from the UK and not the US, it might be said the same way. I just thought that I would mention that...

    The message here is quite true, and disturbing at the same time.. No one knows the damage that they cause when someone is abused - even I don't know really, because I have never been physically. I can only imagine.

    'When a child is abused,
    It's hard to heal.
    We don't understand it,
    Or know how we feel.'

    ^ I have to admit, that the first two lines kind of got me. After I read this, it kind of threw me off because I thought that you were talking about abused children without including yourself, but then I realized that you were including yourself. That is very interesting, and I hope that you weren't abused like this.

    I know have a feeling that deep down inside, the abused feel worthless, and unloved. They probably don't understand why they were abused. No one should be abused like that because there is always a risk of the cycle continuing on and on. I wish that something could have been done to stop all of it.

    I don't really have any constructive critique here, but I just wanted you to know that I really like this, and the message it conveys.

    Excellent
    5/5

    • 12 years ago

      by Baby Rainbow

      Thanks for the comment, in the UK the words seen and been are said the same and sound the same so for me reading it it rhymes lol. I never thought about it being read from someone else, interesting though.

      Thanks again. x