Comments : Our poem

  • 12 years ago

    by nouriguess

    You are beyond descriptions, Karla. I love you and I love this.

  • 12 years ago

    by Decayed

    I got up with her singing.
    Her voice is the lament of the sea
    when the wingless seagulls cry
    on the shore.

    ^ No doubt you are my favorite poetess.

    xx

    I should decipher why you used 'her' and 'she' .. do you mean your Yasmim with this? I hope it's about her.
    Such a beautiful write where love, serenity, music, melancholy, and craftiness intertwine to produce another masterpiece.

  • 12 years ago

    by nouriguess

    I guess she means her daughter. :)

  • 12 years ago

    by Decayed

    Yasmim is her daughter! :) I hope it's about her...

  • 12 years ago

    by Lostlove1

    I can feel a connection to this piece. You have painted some awesome imagery here Karla!

    we are unable to wide it

    "WIDEN" ?

    Loved the poem :)

  • 12 years ago

    by The Prince

    'She skins my pride,
    I bruise her feelings'

    I loved this beginning. Sensual language and I thought of fruit, haha.

    I thought it started quite 'tongue in cheek' but then it expanded into something more serious. Lovely images, here, Karla. One thing though is I thought the first two stanzas were very different in tone than the rest. I'm not sure if this was on purpose but it was rather disqueting. I enjoyed it all, but I thought the transition was strange.

    '
    And when our tired eyes contemplate
    the sorrowful horizon,
    we are unable to widen it
    and stretch love.'

    We all look for freedom on the horizon, a chance to love freely yet most people are scared to 'stretch' any kind of love. They live in confinements.

    There's so many gorgeous ideas and images here that connect really well. I only just saw it now and I had to comment. It's only the first two stanzas which seem out of place

  • 12 years ago

    by Karla

    Yes, Abed - it's about my daughter and me.Unfortunately it is.

  • 12 years ago

    by L

    This is a really sad piece,
    I don't know what happened, I hope that I have misunderstood the poem, but I feel there was a disagreement between her and you.

    I picture a hurtful fight with words in the first two stanzas, and her not understanding what you are telling her.

    This reminded me of a teenager, where the teenager wants to go dancing and the mom prohibits and the teenager gets angry and feels that her mom doesn't comprehend her ( that is not what I think it happened in here) but that's just one example that came to my mind. ( like the child not understanding that whatever mom's do is for their child's well being)

    Towards the end, it seems that there is only space for sorrow and not for love. :(

    I hope I misunderstood this piece.

  • 12 years ago

    by Lioness

    This piece is quite sad Karla.

    I mean the love you feel for your daughter can be felt but there's also this division between you two that I believe you are trying to show us. I love how you have described that you tried to find a manual that you could consult but there is nothing out there that really can tell you everything you need to know about raising a child. I am sure that you are doing the best you can. I can't see you as anything but a wonderful mother who will do anything to see her daughter smile.

    You are beautiful.

    I loved how you describe that you were on the pedestl but it was not you who put you there. It made me think how others see us differently than we see ourselves.

    x

  • 12 years ago

    by Alanis

    Love your emotion and depth that went into this poem. These words bring tears to the eyes of any reader. Beautiful