Unclean

ABOUT SOME ELEMENTS:

The flow was really good ... it's ever so slighty off in the line 'using excessive amounts of soap' - maybe it's just me, it is really that slight.

The rhyming was flawless.

The imagery was simple yet specific. Well done.

Expression: absolutely perfect. So many emotions flowed through with your words.. sadness, anger, shame, etc.. So many. The sorrow definitely shines through as a main component.

Word choice and arranagement was excelllent.

Favourite line:
"To cleanse all my disgrace"

A BRIEF OVERVIEW:

First stanza;
This stanza really opened the readers mind - no one really knew where it might go. The imagery was perfect.

Second stanza;
Again, the imagery here was perfect. The final line finally brought the point of the poem forward. In that final line there was a thousand emotions expressed. Very powerful.

Third stanza;
By this stanza, I feel like whatever brought on this 'cleansing routine' occurred a while back - readers are uncertain of a time period, but it's definitely in the past. By stating this also it shows your emotions - how it has affected you so deeply.

Fourth stanza;
With this stanza, the story begins to take shape. I sense: disgust, anger, shame, pain, sorrow...as well as a feeling of loneliness; no one being able to understand why your feeling this way or even how deeply it affects you - so many emotions from this one stanza.

Fifth stanza;
This (and the final stanza) is my favourite. 'dirt remains unseen' - implies the feeling you have is invisible to the eye that it is just that... a feeling. You feel dirty because of .... I have two theories. I will explain shortly. 'always be unclean' - implies that this feeling won't change, that it is deep-rooted.

The last stanza:
This stanza had so much impact! It was powerful and the final two lines truly expressed how 'dirty' you felt.

MY INTERPRETATION:

As I stated above, I have two theories. My first is the one I feel most strongly about it being, the second I felt like it could relate.

First interpretation;
My first impression was that this poem was about you having been raped (or some other sexual encounter that left you in despair). Though not having had it happen to me, I feel like these are the emotions that would be running through me if I ever had it happen. My evidence:
*The 'disgrace' you mention in stanza two.
*'visualising prints from your hands' - the man who defiled your body - just the pressure on your skin would feel like scars were forever imprinted upon your skin - certainly mentally.
*'invasive touch' - not wanted, not condoned
*'no one understands' - except for another rape victim because unless you have been through the pain, you are going to be an outsider to it, you aren't going to know how deeply it affects you
*'dirt is encrusted' - that feeling that this person has defiled you would make you feel dirty.. mentally, physically, emotionally... unable to escape from it
*'to others it remains unseen' - no one would know about it unless you told them. Your body repairs itself and only your mind shows the evidence of what occurred. One's thoughts are invisible.
*'last forever'/'always be unclean' - this is not something that you would EVER forget. It's not something that can be taken back. It will affect every aspect of your life - social interaction, sexual interaction, relationships, opinions... EVERYTHING.
*'forever smothered by shameful dirt' - that feeling of shame is so prominent in a rape victim... though in actual fact, they have nothing to be ashamed of. It was out of their control. Maybe it's the shame of loss of control because they weren't able to protect themselves.. I don't know..?

Second interpretation;
This impression is not as strong or as well evidenced as the first, but certain aspects of the piece could relate.
You are an OCD sufferer..?
Some people with this certain mental illness have the feeling of being dirty constantly, needing to constantly wash.
Being that it is a mental illness, one can definitely have the feeling of disgrace and shame, though again it is not within their power to control such a thing.
In regards to 'invasive touch' I suppose this could mean mentally - mentally given a message to clean yourself, but this message is quite obviously not wanted because you would know you are suffering the mental illness, and that by listening you are losing control.

I don't know what theory it could be, personally I think the first. Both are horrible things to have to deal with.

5/5

I'll start by saying that I used to watch many soap operas so when I read this poem, the plot reminded me of a girl who has been physically abused. she feels dirty every time and even if she showers and showers, the dirt still remains. This is sad, but I do want to say that I enjoyed the read, specially the way you wrote this poem. The imaginary was spot on, it created the scene right away. As for me, I don't find anything to critique.

There is something I can relate to about this piece but it's not the idea of cleaning for me but it's the idea about the repetition of something all together that I relate to. This poem really shows the frustration that people can have when they suffer from OCD. (I have it) and I know exactly how hurtful it can be because it's taking over your life. You are losing so much time out of your day with the ritual side of it that you don't end up living the rest of your live.

I really feel connected to this poem because of the fact that I know what it's like to suffer from it. I think a lot of people will be able to connect to it.

AWESOME

x

What a story, I loved the flow and smoothness throughout it, and also how you focused on this thought, this kind of obsessive thought that you cannot leave until you're clean, but there's a deeper part of you that is still left abandoned- unsatisfied. My favorite part was where you described seeing imprints of his hands, that just got to me. Whether this person has brought this on, or has left you and you feel damaged, know you are always beautiful from the inside out.

Thanks for sharing, keep writing :)

This is a wonderful story. It flowed flawlessly.
The emotions of the person feeling disgusting, like she is never clean... is so heartbreaking. I think this is about being abused by someone and every time after they touch her, she feels dirty. I may be wrong, I have a few other situations I think this could be about but that is how I read it.

The imagery in this is amazing, you can just see the girl scrubbing herself until she is raw and too ashamed to even look into the mirror. Oh, my heart breaks for her.

A wonderful piece, great job. Btw, I hope this isn't anything personal, I know you wrote in first person... I just pray you don't have to go through this or feel this way. :(