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  • 12 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I loved this poem so much Noura, I don't know why it just struck me as something unexpected that I might read somewhere, and that sticks with me. It's very enriching, from the imagery to the message at the end. That message of life, of motivation, of leaving an imprint. This has to be one of my top favorites from you, you just said so much in so little---stirred up the excitement of being with this someone, living like poets, and not letting anything but the best be. Like all words unsaid and things unwritten will now be approached...

    "Tonight I'll put you in
    the eyes of an Eastern child and close
    them with a kiss; you'd perhaps forget to
    sleep there and I'd be anticipating you in
    the voice of a morning robin."

    This was pleasantly surprising, I had to read it aloud, it just flowed so brilliantly. The way you say "put you in the eyes" was so direct, the image was nurturing almost. "in the voice of a morning robin" was soft and lovely too.

    "I will lock you up
    outside our coffeehouse, tobacco and
    sweat that pursues our necks. I'll snatch a
    place out of your history books, where every
    nook might have a sunflower for my hair
    yet we could still think of a rainstorm."

    I love that word "nook"- such a warm and cozy word to use.
    Only suggestion was I felt the flow could have been better and you could have written "pursuing our necks" instead of "that pursues our necks". Just my opinion. "snatch" was neatly used too, such a determined feel here.

    The last part of this stanza was stellar! A sunflower for your hair but you still have the open mind to imagine a rainstorm. I love the thought of that, it definitely is making me think about the depth you are describing.

    Tonight, we're poets and
    nothing will stop the stars from staining
    our page. We
    will

    tessellate language."

    I like how you repeated the "tonight", like the night is just going to be beginning and stars will keep arising, marking our pages.

    However, the most artistic and what I thought original part was the ending lines. "tessellate" reminds of me of reading "A wrinkle in time" where there is time travel and the possibility of that is shown. There's so much abstraction here yet a new, added on sense that gives confidence, abilities, strengths and you really voice here how a romance is all this and more between you two.

    Awesome write, the title drew the intrigue for me and captured that moment of excitement and journey into life.

    Inspiring! Thanks for sharing girl. 5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by Karla

    Stellar!

  • 12 years ago

    by BLBrown

    This poem was beautiful and intriguing. I read it a few times to better understand. Of course, the ending is spectacular!

    I really loved these opening words, "Tonight I'll put you in the eyes of an Eastern child and close them with a kiss;"

    What a lovely thought.