Comments : The beautiful death of a cravin’ Ravin

  • 12 years ago

    by Hellon

    This is really good...I hope you realise that? I'd ask you check it out for spelling errors because they are spoiling this poem for me right now....I'll check back on this one. Really loved it!

  • 12 years ago

    by Matthew Anthony

    I've checked it through and could onoy find one mistake so I have canged it... thank you for the comment though!

    I have a habbit of writing them when I'm drunk so I mostly forget to proof read.

    x

  • 12 years ago

    by Hellon

    Concealed in a world so proud
    Reflections I could never see
    Wondered through a smokey cloud
    And stumbled up an old wish tree

    The view from here could save a soul
    it's glorious and true
    but beauty, it will take it's toll
    So when your done, your through
    ^^^^^
    in line three it should be take its toll and in line four both yours should be you're

    Creep and squalor throughout the plain
    I'd never seen so much
    Beneath the monarch it'd always rain
    The curse would lose it's touch

    * once again its

    A ravin cravin, that's the scent
    Although we'd all pretend
    Facts of failor turned descent
    Even, my best friend

    ^^^^ Ravin should be Raven so your title needs altered too. I'm not sure about cravin..had to google this one and could only come up with a type of cake or crepe. Do you mean craving?

    Hope this helps...

    • 12 years ago

      by Matthew Anthony

      Thanks has helped a lot and so silly of me to make these errors!

      I haven't changed Ravin tough as it stands for someting that means a 'raver' or 'dancer' and cravin is meant to be craving x

      check out my 'cower odd' I think you'll enjoy it a lot more. and no, no spelling mistakes, I hope!