Nice poem i like it

I love this write of yurs Hannah

Hannah, this is a perfect write. I just adore your detailed descriptions! So amazing.. and kind of original as a content.

Epic and dark. i like the idea there. i feel like you could have gone deeper though. the vagueness didnt work too well for this piece. although i found it truly inspired!

Again, another brilliant write from you hun!

The descriptions and images are awesome!!!
x

I found this poem freaky, the part about demonic creatures, it made me picture a demon. :-s

and it made me shiver. The tone also enhance that. Well written.

Wow .. Wow .. WOOOW!!

Ohh this is so out of this world. Your vivid descriptions are perfect, the images the flow the words, just everything!!

Keeep it up Hannah :-)

Very nice and dark piece penned here. The imagery is totally awesome!

The pace of the piece was spot on. well done.

Hannah! If I were to write a spooky piece it'd come out like this, you have the same idea as me...I loved this. It want to creepy or scary it was a simple ghost story that one can really be intrigued by...I loved this write. Well done with the challenge!

This piece really shows you were born a storyteller/novelist, Hannah. The vivid descriptions worked wonders to the narrative.

"Gargoyles perch upon marbal stone,
guarding the gate of eternal torment."

I think you could make the first line: '...are perched upon...' to make it flow much better. A little typo on 'marble' :)

I found the story a bit confused in some places (or I'm reading this completely wrong). Here's what I got: the persona is a ghost. She died in a car crash - the title fits and it is cleverly put - she sees 'him' ('you', in the poem) driving his car..

"You finally pull up in your crashed ferarri, noticing the shattered windshield that I flew through."

'Pulled up in...' so he's driving the 'crashed' car, and only when he 'pulled up' did he notice the 'shattered windshield..'??
So it was his fault that the persona died? That's why their 'first date' became their 'last'. Or did he pull up in his own car and noticed the persona's crashed car? Or they both died in the car crash, and this 'gargoyle'-guarded place is hell, so they're both entering since they both died..?

I don't know if there was a tiny error/problem with the narration/points of view, or if it's just me..

So, she saw him ('you'), then it became 'we', like the persona is with someone. I'm guessing the guy, they are both entering hell, then in the end, it said:

"We will rise again, Hell has changed us,
we will crash into your souls, God can't save you."

So, who is that 'you' and who are 'we'..?
This is a bit too confusing for me haha. Sorry. But I did enjoy this one.
Keep writing.

I think that this is an interesting piece you have here, Hannah. Very interesting, and at the same time, I guess you could say romantic? Of course, it is a bittersweet romance because none of them lived. However, they are still together...yeah I know. My thought processes are weird :D sorry...

'As the thunder rolled over the black boundless sea,
lightning strikes against my soon to be heartless soul.'

^ Like this stanza - it is a good beginning. I like the use of thunder and lightning because they are connected and of course, I love storms :) You can always tell when thunder is coming because it always lightnings a few seconds before. I thought the term 'heartless soul' was kind of odd, because I don't know if they are connected - I have never heard them that way. Plus, I have heard that you could still be kind and not have a beating heart (the soul is apparently what makes you kind) :) but I still like the word 'heartless' - a strong, powerful word.

'The waves violently crash upon the castle,
whispering "My sweet, come with me."

Gargoyles perch upon marble stone,
guarding the gate of eternal torment.'

^ Beautiful imagery here. I love gargoyles - I think they are so beautiful even though they are made of stone and meant to be ugly. Dark, majestic, creatures - they create in my mind a dark scene because that is what they are always used for. Also, 'violently' and 'eternal torment' are very strong words for me. Loved the word choice.

'Still as sweet as tea,
you blow the ashes off the charred, wilted peonies.'

^ I do not get the purpose of this stanza. I am not trying to be rude, so I am sorry if I am coming off this way...but maybe peonies has some meaning to you? Is that your favorite flower? I have no idea, but since this isn't really connected to anything in my eyes, I can't really fall in love with this stanza - I think that it is kind of useless, but if it is something special to you, then keep it. I can't see everything behind the pen ;]

'Our first date will surely be our last,
wine and temptation of lust took over the wheel.'

^ This is probably the stanza that confused me the most. You made it seem like you died before him? Wouldn't you have died on the same day, at the same time? You are telling the story, so you had to somehow get there before he did...so that is why I am confused. That should not have happened in my opinion. Hmmm...

The rest of the poem I get crystal clear :] It is just I wanted to comment on those first few stanzas. I love how you mentioned that the lovers had to keep on reliving their crash daily - that is such a cruel thing to do, so it is very dark in my mind. I have heard of things like that - ghosts reliving their deaths, but I don't really understand why. Something to ponder over...

I also love the ending. It tells the reader that the two lovers went from basically 'angels' to 'demons' because of their deaths - they are now going against everything that is good.

Overall, I think that this has potential Hannah. I really do, but it does need some fixing up - there are a few parts that kind of got me confused, like Xanthe. I tried to write a coherent comment, but I might not have succeeded in doing so - I am not really a good thought organizer :] I love this dark poem though. Very beautiful, and haunting.

I hope you did well in the contest

Excellent
5/5

Hannah hannah hannah!! Whaaaat the hell was that?????

Just AMAZING thats what it was omg! I love everything about this, word choice and flow spot on, the images you create to be honest i dont even know how to comment on other than to say that i loooove them....as i Say amazing write xx

This was really well written such a deep dark poem the images you set were really clear
I loved the word choice you seem to always pick the right words to fit the right situation in all yours poems well done

5/5

Keep writing

I love your dark imagination.... You have the ability to whisk me away Hannah.... LOVE THIS

I love the inages in this poem, I really enjoyed reading it, awesome job Hannah..

Very unique and stylish writing style.. i liked that

Well, this is so very different from previous poems of yours - yet another masterpiece!

You have definitely achieved the darkness that is necessary for the genre - WOW!

It's very eerie and it's very enjoyable.

Love it. 5/5