Vultures And Serpents

Wow, 1000th, I only have 969 to go!!!

This is awesome, I love the start stop of the flow, which really helps with the dark mood of the whole thing, great narration, great analogies, real emotion bursting through.
The end is brilliant.

awesome write

well done on the 1000th

Oh, wow. This is one of the best love poems that I have ever read, even though it is about lost love.

I noticed that you capitalized every letter in the beginning, even though there was no period to mark the end of a sentence. I would change it so that the letters were lowercase, but that is just my opinion :] You do want you want with your poem.

Like I said, I think that this is the best poem I have read so far! It is so beautiful...I know what the pain is like, so I am not trying to cause any offense here. You just wrote it so beautifully, that I can be nothing but awed...

'Like a vulture
You dove in for the weakened flesh
Pecked defences into absolute nothingness
And then tore your claws along the wound
Just to add more misery

Like the serpent
You slyly created such falsifications
And giggled sardonically
When we finally turned upon each other

Like the wolf in sheeps clothing
Cruelly tricked and provoked
Gleefully watched as I slowly fell apart
And refused to accept your responsibility.'

^ I don't really have any critique here, but I would like to say that these three stanzas are absolutely beautiful. You used three creatures that are best known for their predator-like instinct and you personified them by using human like characteristics...very beautiful.

I also like the ending on how you used Romeo and Juliet. I thought that was very interesting how you put the last line, 'Only, you didn't kill yourelf,/you killed me.' Very epic ending right here - like a slap in the face in a way. Beautiful.

Overall, the only suggestion that I have for you is to lowercase the letters that are not after a period. It would be even more perfect in my opinion if you did that. :)

So here is what I thought:

First, the title was irresistible, and the curiosity of the reader is certainly aroused. The choice of poetic similies to describe an unfortunate series of events is certainly worthy of praise.

Using the analogy of a vulture as an opportunistic character, "pecking" in to the defenses of its victims, before tearing them piece by piece, was unique and touching, emotionally.

"Slyness", "sardonic grin" and "false" behavior to me is more symbolic of a cunning fox or a wolf. Whereas, the serpent reminds me more of a slithering, slimy character who will attack or ensnare its victim silently or unexpectedly. So you may wish to consider modifying or adding another stanza to relate the appropriate symbolism.

The last 2 stanza's are the best in projecting the bitterness arising from false promises, and are truly moving and climactic in projecting the sadness in this broken relationship. The only suggestion I have here is to improve the readability. Perhaps something like this:

Romeo and Juliet killed themselves
so they could stay together, forever

only, you didn't kill yourself
when you asked me to die for you

False promises of forever....

Wonderfully penned grim emotions. Keep writing, the next 1000 is not too far away.

1000th! Quite an achievement Miss. Could not resist putting my name here first to praise the poetic journey you embarked upon to achieve this centennial milestone. Will come back a little later with a worthy comment to this incredible millenial achievement of your poetic pen.