Don't worry, he's out there. but he won't show himself to you unless you really want to see him. god wants to know you, and if you don't come to him, he won't come to you. you make the first move. since he loves you enough to let his own son die for you, he will most def. receive you with open arms whenever you decide to fully surrender to him. then his love will surround, and he'll never leave you. ever, until the end of eternity.
lots of love,
maggie