Comments : Come Dawn

  • 12 years ago

    by Purple Rose

    This is beautiful you too. I love this. I don't really know what to say here, but just know that I love it :) I don't know who wrote what, because I am not familiar with your styles, but I want to praise this so much...I rarely find inspirational poems that I like :)

    'There's a dream that dances
    along the membranes of ones mind,
    rattling the brain to awaken with desire
    and put to use a powerful ambition...'

    ^ First off, 'ones' should be 'one's' if you are talking about a single person :] I love how you started this, because it fills my mind with imagery. I can imagine the dreams dancing around in my head :D and awakening me with desire to fulfill it...

    'along the alleyways of confidence,
    scattered in the slabs below cold feet
    as they scuttle past street lamps and
    drain pipes just waiting to be freed'

    ^ I have never pictured confidence this way, so I was blessed with looking at it from a different perspective. I always pictured alleyways as dark, kind of rotting places where robbers lay in wait :] It is kind of depressing, but that is what I have always imagined...

    'Faith is carried upon shoulders
    of intellectual believers
    while burdens are deflected
    by affirmative values'

    ^ This is probably one of my favorites right here. I enjoyed this idea, because it makes me feel smarter to tell you the truth :] it makes me feel proud that I am a believer (I hope I am thinking the same thing you did while you wrote this). This is a very true stanza, because if we go by our values, we don't really have to worry about making choices if that makes since. Our values are our guidelines.

    I would often like to think that I would fall into the latter category as well, but I know that I don't. I am too weak for that.

    This is a beautiful poem, and I cannot say that enough. I think that this is my favorite inspirational poem to date, because of the metaphorical aspects of it. It is unbelievable. I admire both of you :)

    Excellent
    5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    What great inspiration
    you guys did a wonderful job

  • 12 years ago

    by Lioness

    I am sitting here admiring this aweome piece and I am trying to work out who wrote which part and sadly, I cannot (though I am sure that is a good thing meaning that the collab is awesome too!)

    You guys did an awesome job, so beautiful!!! Loved it

    x