Unheard cries

This made me cry...it made me cry to think that someone could feel so alone. :(

This made me cry...it made me cry to think that someone could feel so alone. :(

This is a good piece, Saffie. However, that is just what I would call it...good. Let me explain my reasons.

I didn't really get a lot of emotion from it even though it is in the sadness & depression section. The person explaining who is talking did not really express anything - if the person who was actually experiencing the turmoil narrated it, then that would have been a whole lot different in my opinion. It was like the person was just telling the reader what went on in the others life which does cause the reader to feel sadness, but no so much you want to cry for them. It is also like the person is making fun of the one experiencing it...

'But deep down you know you're wrong
In this world you don't belong.
So close your eyes,
say your goodbyes.'

^ This is the stanza that affected me the most. I do not like being told that I do not belong, while everyone else does. I am not saying that this is directed at me, but you get the point, yes? I also hate this when people tell this to others...I want to scream in their face that they have just as much right to be here as you do - just thought that I would share my intake on that.

This is a sad poem, but not sad enough for me. I just don't like the way that this was written, because it seems like the narrator is heartless. I will read more of your poems however and see if I can come up with a more praising comment.

Saffie :)
I love your writes because I know they're written from experience and true feelings. I've felt like this a lot of times before; like no one hears you or listens to you, no one cares, and it seems like there's nothing you can do anymore.
There's nothing wrong with these poems. Writing/venting is an outlet of overwhelming emotions and I hope all's well now.
I don't want to be negative but there are innumerable poems written like this; same rhyme scheme, theme.. It's very common, unfortunately. There's not a lot of thought here. I know, this is (I assume) purely on emotion, but a little creativity would be nice. A little insight of 'your' experience would be better. Some imagery perhaps to set this piece apart.
The eyes/cries life/knife rhymes are too overused and bland now - unless you've added even a tiny bit of metaphor or story here.
You don't have to change this or edit it, but just a few points for future references :)
I'm sure a lot of people can relate to this and it's great you've shared this with us. I know you're better than this though.
Keep writing.

Love it