Comments : Ghosts of insomnia

  • 12 years ago

    by Khalid M Darwish

    Insomnia!! The tiring, the killing, the exhausting moster of the night. I wish that no body really suffers from it. It is sometimes a slow death. I agree with every word you wrote. Nice flow.

  • 12 years ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    Insomnia is terrible, I suffer from it
    Your body is so tired, your completely
    exhausted but the mind will not shut down
    shifting through all different directions.
    It has broken me down.
    I truly enjoyed reading

  • 12 years ago

    by Xanthe

    This somehow reminds me of how I write poems; the form, tone and when I used to write rhymed poetry.

    I agree - insomnia is terrible and you managed to capture that in this piece.

    "Once again I cannot sleep
    as insomnia becomes routine."

    I suggest you change the last line to: for insomnia has become routine.
    I don't think this is the most powerful start you could write. The title explicitly tells the reader this woupd be about insomnia so I would've not written insomnia here. You could easily cross this out and start with the following lines because you 'show' us. It could be more powerful. But that's just my opinion.

    "The skeletons play hide and seek
    and creep into my mind.
    I can see the ghostly creatures
    behind my wardrobe door."

    This shows innocence as well as fright in the persona's part. I like it. It reminds me so much of when I was little :)

    "Whispering sore memories
    I wish did not exist.
    They taunt and tease me
    all through the night."

    I liked this one and the ending:

    "I wish to hear the birds chirp,
    to see the morning light.
    To know that I have escaped sleep
    for yet another night."

    I see similarities of how I used to write.
    Thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Keep it up, Saffie!

  • 12 years ago

    by Xanthe

    Double posted. Sorry :)

  • 12 years ago

    by Emily

    Love this poem! I can picture it completely and have known the feeling. Wonderful write!