Me oh my Saffie...

EXCELLENT job with this challenge, seriously....everyone who knows me, knows I'm not a fan of repitition or one word thats over used. In this case "you was used a lot" however, I LOVED IT. I loved all the you's because it was the devil yelling at you, and thats exactly how it would go if that really happened. Who do YOU think you are? I own YOU, YOU are mine...i loved it...

different topic and style then the stuff I've read on pnq..great job :)

I'm so sorry. I have not been able to comment lately, so please forgive me.

I was drawn to this poem because of the title...anything that has to do with the devil always chills me to the bone. I would capitalize the 'd' in 'devil' and the 'i in 'ice' though...it is a title so they need to be capitalized. Also, there isn't exactly a typo, but it is a suggestion...in the sixth stanza, third line, I think that 'the' should be changed to 'this' because it seemed like you were talking as if the devil was waiting in hell down below while the person he was talking to was far away...but I might be completely off my rocker here :/

'How dare you betray me,
to ignore your evil side.
To pretend I don't exist,
to think you're heaven sent.'

^ Love the beginning here. Very, strong. Since I know what it feels like to be ignored as a human, I can only imagine what it feels like to a demon :/ probably ticks him off extremely, ha ha. I also like how you mentioned that this person has a evil side, because I think that most of us do. Another thing that I enjoyed was how you are writing this from the devil's perspective - it makes it all the more creepier...

'I created you, I and I alone,
I own you, body mind and soul.
You belong to me, each and every bone,
I control your life, you owe it all to me.'

^ In the Bible, it states that God created us, but I don't think that you mean it quite like that. I believe that you mean the way they are - like on the inside. Maybe he helped them turn evil, so he thinks that they owe him their life? Kind of like a 'sold your soul to the devil' type of thing, correct? I have always thought that was interesting - how God created humans physically, but the devil influences how we turn out.

'Each time you attempt to leave
you will turn into a sculpture.
Frozen in time, unable to move,
just frozen to the ground.'

^ This is beautiful imagery right here, Saffie. I love this...it is dark, and creepy at the same time which fit well into this poem. However, I would have used something more frightening, that included blood and guts or something, but that is just me ;) I guess we can't be too graphic on here, can we?

Overall, this is a very beautiful, dark poem. I love dark poems, because they give light to the darker side of people...I think that is always interesting to see because you never know what people have inside them. I like that you used the devil in this one...the devil is always a strong dark character ^.^ I also love that you used fire and ice in the last four stanzas, because you used two aspects that contradict each other in such a way that I thought it was awesome :) I just think this whole poem is awesome!

Now after that little outburst, the flow was good even though it did not rhyme, and the 'you' repetition was quite useful in here because it kept on reinforcing the idea that the devil owned whoever he was talking to.

My comment is a little bit jumbled, but I tried ;) I hope you somehow understand this mess...

Excellent
5/5