Haunted

by Hannah Lizette   Aug 1, 2012


As I explore deep into the somber woods,
hooting owls try to alert me,
if trees could talk they'd screech "BEWARE".

The wind howls like starving wolves,
a flash of lightning luminates the heavens,
thunder rolls as it bids its last farewell.

Rapidly escaping into a forbidden cave,
I pray the storm will pass as quickly as it came.
Shining my flashlight ahead, I freeze in fear.

His demonic hooded eyes are on me,
drinking me in as he breathes "finally",
like he has been waiting for centuries.

The tenebrous walls are closing in on me,
my adrenaline rises as I slowly back away,
all I see is hunger in his eyes and hear his evil laugh echo.

"No need to scream, no one can hear you...just like last time,"
"No need to scream, no one can hear you...just like last time,"
"No need to scream, no one can hear you...just like last time,"

I shiver recalling the last time he had possession of me,
I was his rag doll,
an unwanted toy he abused daily,
my pain was his pleasure.

I dash towards the entrance,
only to trip over a boulder.
He takes advantage of my misstep,
and drags me back, digging my nails into the dirt.

Shrieking for help until my throat is raw,
I fall with a thud, onto my bedroom floor,
fighting the air and cursing his name.

My eyes creek open,
realizing it was just a cruel nightmare,
just like the countless nights before.

I'm safe...for now.

Copyright 2012: Hannah K.

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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by A Poets Handwriting aka ALISHA

    This piece is rather chilling isn't it?
    It is such a powerful poem only strengthened by your flawless use of imagery. The eyes especially... you have really managed to broadcast to readers what you see/feel.

    Well done!

  • 12 years ago

    by The Poet Behind The Poems

    This was a really good write

    The images you set were amazing very detailed and clear its like I was there the only thing I didn't like was tht I guessed it was a nightmare before hand which isn't your fault just wish I never guessed lol

    5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by The Poet Behind The Poems

    This was a really good write

    The images you set were amazing very detailed and clear its like I was there the only thing I didn't like was tht I guessed it was a nightmare before hand which isn't your fault just wish I never guessed lol

    5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by Xanthe

    I love the opening stanza; it's descriptive and sets the tone of this piece. The personification of trees is not that original anymore but making them 'screech' was a nice touch. I thought the capitalisation of beware was well-penned too as I don't see capitalisation often and when I do, it's not done properly. Here however, it is perfect.

    You continued with personification with the second stanza and added a simile. There are a lot of imagery now but I thought you tied them so well together; they complimented each other, great job.
    You don't need an apostrophe on 'its' though.

    The third stanza is fast-paced, dynamic - and it works.
    I suggest rephrasing though:
    "Rapidly escaping into a forbidden cave,
    I pray the storm will pass as quickly as it came.
    Shining my flashlight ahead, I freeze in fear."

    Not too keen on the next stanza. You could use a more powerful description than 'black, demon' as it is too vague for a piece like this.
    I'm not too sure on 'drinking me in..'
    'Had' shoupd be: has.
    And I got confused with 'how did he find me?' Didn't the persona run to the cave?

    The fifth stanza was okay, but you could change 'murky, slppery' to just one powerful adjective describing the walls. How were they slippery?
    When writing a 'dark' poem, I advice you to refrain from using 'darkness, darken, darker, dark' and all unless it is necessary. What is this darkness?
    And 'escape route'? The cave in my mind only has one entrance; where the persona entered - at least that's what the first stanzas made me think. She was running in the 'somber woods', 'escaped in the forbidden cave', then quickly saw 'him'. I thought the transition was too fast. You could add something in between to show that she was really trapped and she needed to devise an 'escape route'.

    I kind of like the 'echo', but after that, the persona is already in her bed. She woke up too soon. I think you could really add more to show this horror, to show how 'haunting' and scary this 'nightmare' is.

    I enjoyed reading this though. Overall, it's a well-written piece. Keep it up!

  • 12 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Wow, powerful poem. I realted to this and the way you can be hurt by someone and the affects can last forver more with the memories. The thought of their eyes forever being with you is quite haunting on its own. From an abuse point of view, this sums up what it can feel like, you have penned it really well.

    Great work.

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