Comments : Going mad

  • 12 years ago

    by nouriguess

    You have some really good lines! You just have to watch those un-capitalised 'i's. ;)
    Other than that, I enjoyed this.

  • 12 years ago

    by Aaron

    Few spelling and grammar mistakes, but that doesn't really matter. Again this poem got to me as you express similar notions that people go through after heartbreak.

    "Sad songs set on shuffle
    Burrowed deep in my own mind
    Can't yet admit the the truth
    Forcing myself to be blind" was probably my favorite, I hate facing the truth at times.

  • 12 years ago

    by ArtistrySoul

    I don't get the title hat goes with the poem, as you have categorized it under love poems oO

    A really interesting piece here, i wasn't sure if you started the poem off being sad then ended up in love or just mad :S, slightly confused on this one

    Good job!

  • 12 years ago

    by Unrequited

    Very nice! It's a tough topic; conflicting feelings of this nature are not easy to sort out. Hopefully writing this helped.
    I am big on making sure everything is spelled correctly, and I did notice a few spots.
    But considering I usually don't follow a formal pattern, I really enjoyed your rhymes and beautiful stanzas. A lot! Good job 5\5

  • 12 years ago

    by Xionide

    "Sad songs set on shuffle
    Burrowed deep in my own mind
    Can't yet admit the the truth "

    I love that opener! such a lyrical way to start thing off, and it fitted really well.

    "Each lyric torments my heart
    But tears have yet to drop
    Thoughts that seem to overflow
    And time that seems to stop"

    Such a heartfelt stanza, sometimes music speaks the loudest when our own words are unable to find the correct feelings inside us, sometimes it takes just a simple song to say everything thats needed.

    "Once i truly loved him
    More then most deserve
    Id would have done anything
    To be a part of his world "

    It has to be a horrible feeling loving someone and knowing your not part of who they are. strongly expressed though.

    "And now he choose to return
    makeing me question it all"

    makeing me question it all

    Spelling error here it should be (Making)

    "my troubled tormented mind
    Dwells on good vs bad"

    I think those first two lines would sound better as:

    "My tormented troubled mind
    Dwells on good and bad"

    Other than that. very well written.

  • 12 years ago

    by Terry Hume

    There are spelling errors but that is easily fixed. Its a very tormented poem. Clearly you are torn between taking him back. Personally I hope you didn't. That aside it was hard to read because it was so tormented. Watch your redundancy, used too often it sounds whiney and I'm certain that was not your intention. Keep writing and let that guy go you deserve better.

  • 12 years ago

    by Darren

    I love the flow to this, there is a great deal of sadness portrayed also.

    Your rhyming is spot on.

    Spelling mistakes have been pointed out by others so there is no need to highlight again.

    good write, great emotion.

  • 12 years ago

    by Chevalier des Fleurs

    Great job. You really explained how I've felt in the past, the torment of being pulled back and forth allowing the one you love take you piece by piece. You gripped the emotional rawness of love and all the crazy things we do when we are going mad, we just want to let go but can't. very well written.
    5/5
    Hope you're better now.