Every Wave

Her eyes, frigid today
they whimper and close
dropping tears
across deadened leaves and
into the sea, to expire

- you open with such strong imagery here, how could anyone not want to read on? you desercibe the emotion of this person so clear that I can vision her eyes like they are infront of me. Great image of the tears falling in the sea with the word expire, amazing. To think a tear drop represents so much pain, and it can so easily be washed away and forgotten without ever being seen, yet the pain from that tear drop remains.

to wash through pain
draining down the droplets
into ages of a heart erased
waters of an unrequited past
a love that loves its last

- such a powerful expression of emotion in this piece which ina way describes a bit of a mysterious past this person is hiding and perhaps the reason for her tears. Worded very well indeed.

eyes wither, remain lost
closed off and clouded
from sunshine hidden by gray
gray rippled into every wave
as sallow flakes feather the air

- deep depression being felt with this stanza and also the imagery of the dark gray clouds is very strong, it shows how she is feeling so alone and down, sunshine referring to happiness which she feels she can never find or see.

she shudders in the cold
shaken by her hollow world
romance destroyed
in a frozen caress

- love your language choice here, the word shudders is so crisps it is very hard hitting and you know exactly how to imagine this person now sitting in the cold. Hollow world, romance destroyed, frozen caress?? OMG< it is like the power is ongoing on a strong and it just keeps flowing out hitting the reader with every new word. Amazing.

her love
her love has gone
swallowed by the sea
consumed by winter waves

- this is a sad ending and to lose love is so painful and in this poem you started off with the tears going into the sea and ended it with love going in to the sea which implies the tears she released were of the love which was lost. Love the choice of word "consumed" such a strong word giving the sense they were not willingly released but stolen and swallowed whole.

Adored this poem, my only suggestion is to add some punctuation, especially commas, to break it up for the reaer. This will allow the poem to be read as it should be read without stumbling, giving it more impact when reading such powerful emotion.

But good job over all.

Thank you! It was my first attempt in two years, this means a lot to me. I'll be sure to comment on your work as soon as I have time. :)

This is very beautiful...hope you realise that. It's so very haunting and brings to mind a story or picture that..is somewhere in the back of my mind right now but...I just can't place at the moment.

The style of the verse is quite different..your rhyming..not sure if it was intentional...is sometimes at the end/start of one line and midsentence in the other...then not there at all. Very interesting.

I really loved this one and...will be sure to nominate it as soon as the weekend is over....incredibly beautiful!

I very much liked this one. It had a strong opening middle and end. And it flowed really well when read outloud. The last stanza was my favorite :) 5/5