Mesmerized ( collab )

Great job you both. I love how you two, I'll assume, interchanged with two lines each but I still don't know who wrote which :P

"My heart felt so completed,"

I think completed should be: complete.

Hope to see more collabs from you two.

This is a sweet poem and I can feel
the connection. Enjoyed the flow and
the coices of your words
Mesmerized, a perfect title

Aw, this is such a sweet collab. you guys done a fantastic job!! :)

@_@!!!

O00h my....wonderful collab guys!!!! smashed it wide open :-))

My only criticism is "Gaurded" should be Guarded.....thats all i got lol!

I knew from that first moment
when my eyes looked into yours.

We had a strong connection
from which a love would grow.

Your smile lit up a dark room,
within my sorrowful soul.

I promised you my heart
and you gaurded it with your life.

Savior and protector,
trusting in you, I shall.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Great opening here, i love the connection you feel with someone close when looking into there eyes, the old saying "windows to the soul " is so true and often we know in a second if there is something special there....love it.

The idea of a dark room, one shut of to everyone except the "one" is cool because not only are they allowed in the room they illuminate it with the sheer presence....the "prize" for that is your heart and they (for want of a better expression) repay this by protecting and cherishing it....wonderful :-)

We planted a seed in soil
and watered it with trust.

Growing together as one,
you and I will know true bliss.

My heart felt so completed,
my life felt like a dream.

With one whisper,
you granted a new tomorrow.

How lucky I was to be with you,
my fairytale charming prince.

I'll love you forever and always,
the end....

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

ok, so here if like the "moving on" once the trust and love has been established and allowing it to be nurtured......really well conveyed i have to say.......the foundations being planted and growing together as one is not only easy relate too, but also using the "seed and watering" metaphor here is really nice and soft giving the reader the feel of how precious a thing it is - especially where trust is hard to gain the fruit is much sweeter .

Also, referring to your heart being complete, for me, is very powerful because love is very instinctual and to find that missing link, the thing we all as humans crave - to be complete - was a great way of following the softer previous lines.

I really love this write, its very open and honest with great flow and imagery. you used good word choices and it made me smile heaps :-)))))

In short a wonderful, soft piece with buckets of charm GREAT JOB GUYS!!!!