There are some difficult topics
to discuss like suicide.
They are so controversial,
is suicide selfish or not?
I've always believed it is not.
I've written four suicide notes,
yet I am still here, alive,
writing this out of despair.
I do care about my parents
and my dearest best friend
that I will leave behind
and will never see again.
If I didn't love these people,
I would be gone by now.
But I've waited too long
for it to get better.
Think about it, what is more selfish,
them keeping me alive
when I'm already dead,
or me finally leaving
for a better place?
In the end, isn't it my choice?
isn't it my life, my business?
My decision, my ''mistake''?
They've been hurting me all my life,
I didn't complain. Now it's my turn.
I'm doing this for myself.
I knew no one could save me
if I didn't do it instead.
This isn't getting me anywhere,
I'm such a weak soul.
I only wish I could stay longer,
to see me becoming what I want,
meet the love of my life,
have children, see them grow up
and even become the best grandma.
But I know I can't make it,
and it's taken me lots of courage
to admit something like that.
I just want you to understand
even if it's really hard.
I'm not doing this to hurt you.
I don't know what else to do.
Nothing ever works out for me
and it will stay that way, I know that.
So I'm saying goodbye now,
hoping you will always remember me.
