Comments : Lost November

  • 12 years ago

    by Georgia

    Beautiful .. Really liked this sweetie

  • 12 years ago

    by Mohan

    Beautiful written

  • 12 years ago

    by Khalid M Darwish

    Great sorrowful piece! It took my heart away. Just I have some points to comment:
    This is a sadness piece NOT a love piece so you have to change the category.
    Walking in the woods outside in the snow
    All I can do is Think of you
    I think it will sound better if you change 'Think' to 'Thinking'

    What could have been If we haven't lost november
    The word november should start with a capital letter.
    With you gone I learned the meaning of sadness for the first time
    When you were here I learned what love was
    'Love was' sounds better if changed to 'love meaned'
    A tear slides down my cheek
    'A tear slided ...'
    About to relive our last moments together
    Just to show myself it was real
    I need to.....I need to do it to move on
    I sit in the spot where so may times berfore you held my hand
    I Can't do this not yet
    I lay down in a blanket of snow
    I lay there I must have fell asleep

    'fell asleep' change to 'fallen asleep'
    But I seen you in my dream
    I tell you all the things I was afraid to say when you were alive

    'But I saw you in .....'
    If you're talking about things you saw in the dream then you should say:
    'I were telling you all ....'

    I really enjoyed reading the story which really touches the heart.