This is really good, but it seems incomplete.

The content is intriguing and worded quite well. Add another stanza or two and I think it will definitely improve the piece.

Its really hard to make something like this and get all the messages thru, I mean, with such short poem. But anyways, I think you said what you wanna say here and its good how you did it. It would be nicer if youd come up with some part2 with this. But thats just my idea. Its nice the way it is.

Its really nice..makes me crave for more