Comments : Dancing with Alyssa

  • 12 years ago

    by Naughtymouse

    WONDERFULL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    This made me smile so so much this morning i just love you it.

    I can just see you two picking thwm and dancing and giggling away. Just beautiful xx

  • 12 years ago

    by Naughtymouse

    Double post :-/ thats what happens when you write i get all excited and unnecessary x

  • 12 years ago

    by Wild flower

    Awwwwwwwwww thats cute:)
    I do agree with NM it made me smile too:)

    "Her eyes, they dance, just like her father's
    she lifted my spirits and wasn't a bother."

    "Her little toes and button nose
    uplifts my spirits wherever she goes."
    ^^
    I can say from these 2 stanzas that she's a beautiful girl.
    Love love love this poem, Awesome job..

  • 12 years ago

    by Wild flower

    :) Double post

  • 12 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    This is mega sweet...made me melt into a puddle.

    Just beautifully written, short and simple but definitely full of love.

    Aww, Gorgeous

    xxxx

  • 12 years ago

    by Meme

    Awwww, this is so sweet and aonderful. And it speaks loads and loads of love. I can see how much she means to you in these few lines you wrote. I bet no one can read this without smiling :-))

  • 12 years ago

    by Hellon

    This is such a beautiful little verse...there's nothing quite like a child to lift your spirits...I'd totally agree with you there. They are just so trusting and when they love you...it unconditional and uncomplicated...I just loved your imagery here...simply beautiful. I couple of little grammatical errors that I saw...

    Sitting in the meadow green
    I sang a song with a little queen.

    Her eyes, they dance, just like her father's
    she lifted my spirits and wasn't a bother.

    ^^^
    the poem is in past tense so dance should be danced.

    We picked purple angels, as the blue sky danced
    leaving my heart in an enchanted trance.

    ^^^^

    Nothing wrong here...just wanted to comment that this has to be my favourite...sometimes the imagination of a child is underestimated and they actually expand our own.

    Her little toes and button nose
    uplifts my spirits wherever she goes.

    ^^^

    think it should be uplift here?

    Being a step mother
    is a gift I hold dear
    dancing with Alyssa
    year after year....

    ^^^^

    This is just my personal opinion here...I'd take the step mother bit out and replace it with something else. Let the reader decide who this little lady is...I just think it would make the poem more relatable to others...just a suggestion for you to consider.

    Just loved it!!!