Serenading Dreams

Beautiful poem Colm. Beautiful. It's hard to find words to fit in here.

"Or if I could lure the sun to fit
in a picnic basket and sit beside the stream,
it's peeping rays could be the surprise to warm
the faintness in your hazel-grey eyes -"
^
I love this stanza, it is so cute I can almost picture the whole scene in my head :)

Your ending was amazing, greatly chosen!! =)
Write on~

Colm...I honestly thought I'd left you a comment on this one but now that I remember I got distracted with your other poem....commented it and forgot to come back to this one!

If I could fly to the star-freckled sky
on a bitter winter's night, I'd graze the moon
with my outstretched hand
and by osmosis, give you it's light.

Star freckled...I really like this description..I've heard of star flecked...dotted etc but..never freckled and yet they all have the same meaning....very creative!

Or if I could lure the sun to fit
in a picnic basket and sit beside the stream,
it's peeping rays could be the surprise to warm
the faintness in your hazel-grey eyes -

This has got to be my favourite stanza..just the thought that you'd consider trying to capture the sun and fit it into such a small space to please this person made be smile.

Hazel-grey eyes...I've never seen this colour before so...thinking it could be a metaphor for warm and cold....hazel being warm while grey would be considered cold?

But if in your heart you cannot start
to live my serenading dreams, don't ask -
Of me a thing, for I'll have no dreams to dream
that night, I'll have no voice to sing.

I know you used internal rhyming here and there throughout this write but...it really worked well to finish this lovely verse off.

I see it's still available to nominate...so..maybe next week will be luckier than a HM for you.

It's greedy, sweetly violent, romantic like one of those Paulo's novels. It's the kind of thrilling that makes one addict. Sorry I didn't find it beautiful or 'safe', my interpretation was different.

I loved that it moved quickly from the night descriptions to the sun fitting in a basket, and the hazel eyes reference... It's like a relationship on fire the whole time. I apologise if I am completely wrong or if you didn't want the reader to get it in the way I did. But trust me, it was the most enjoyable poem I have stumbled upon in a long, long while. At least, I think that it crushed and defied the trend of this site; it happens that each piece has a firefly, a shooting star or a muse here and there in this Summer. Ugh. Anyway, my whole point is... this is new, addicting in its simple language and enticing imagery.

At first, I couldn't find the rhymes Britt has talked about. I searched for it and it is what made me love the poem even more. Really, I even haven't realised that thing/sing bit was meant. Seriously well-done.

I won't talk more because you obviously will be bored of my rambling and you don't really need my praise. I'll just tell you, I am impressed and your writes always reminded me of an Arabic poet.

The ending is superb.

Edit: and I wonder why this didn't win last week.

Colm-

One of many things I have admired about your poetry, is your creative wording... Your first line dazzled me. "If I could fly to the star-freckled sky"

after I read your first line... it made me think... Oh it does look like a map of freckles.... how unique and creative!

the tone of the entire poem left me in awe... Its as if I was tossed in a mans hopes for romance, but if not meant to be, then to say nothing, for the dream is far more beautiful than reality. Its my interpretation.... and I really admire this poem. The nature tones and visual display is very pretty... Love this piece!

Can I just say how much I love this poem? The first time I read through I was thinking about how well it just rolled off my tongue and then I realized about the third time through that it rhymes! I love internal rhyme and you did such a perfect job here of it.

I love the use of "star-freckled", it gave such a beautiful image and the use of freckle was really interesting. Your poetry is always so descriptive, I absolutely adore that about your pieces.

The sun fitting in a picnic basket is just brilliant.. I love the way that sounded and the whole stanza is just beauty.

The last stanzes oozes romance. The whole thing is absolutely beautiful, and I had to nominate it the second I read it this morning. Hope to see it on the front page! :)