Family portrait

What a sad yet beautifully written piece. Picked at random, Tony, and pleased I did. Very moving

Good example of tragedy. A family portrait is all she can look at as time goes by and wonder, what if? Good job dude

Dust covers a little box as it sits
on a shelf, with her name barely
visible on the tattered lid.

- great opening. It gives me a clear image of the scene which in my head is perhaps a bedroom where the shelf is. The way you describe the box implies both that the box is old because it is tattered, but also like it has been untouched for a while because of the dust. This for me makes me wonder straight away what power it must hold that it is not visited often. I know I have things on shelves that are too painful to remember but at the same time too special to hide away.

she then wipes her trembling hand
across her past, black tears
fall from her eyes.

- interesting line here when you use her hand to wipe across her past, I have never heard of this before being used and it works well in the poem and indicates that this box holds a very deep part of herself and her past. The black tears falling could be representing mascara, but for me black always represents grieving so for me her tears were of grief.

She picks up a photo of her family,
a man dressed in finery, a women
dripping with elegance -

the little girl with an angels smile.

- This was good that you described the people in the family, so the reader could make their judgement by that. which is funny because we all judge people differently so I will assume not every reader will judge these images the same. I also liked the image I had of this innocent little child, I think it worked very well to make this line stand out on its own, it is as if to say this is the most important person, she deserves a line to herself.

She clutches the photo close to her
heart and walks towards the open
window,

- again I got the sense of her being in her bedroom here and the window was already in my head picturing this scene, it worried me when I read this line as I thought what will she do? Jump from it? Or throw the photo out? Or something else? This verse had curiousity which always captures me in poetry.

While closing her eyes she feels
the wind blowing through her
long golden hair,

- I can feel this happening as if it were to me, because I have often sat at the window just pondering thoughts in my mind and feeling the breeze. It is quite a peaceful feeling actually when inside there is a storm.

She smiles as tears roll off her
lips and prays one day
she knows the truth-

- this is interesting because I wonder what made her smile, I wonder what thought was in her head at such a sad time and the fact she was crying, it made me wonder if perhaps she was smiling at a good memory this photo captured? Or then maybe she was smiling for them if perhaps they were in heaven? Really interesting left me thinking loads of things.

Why her?
Not her sister

-oh, ok, so this I was not expecting. It makes me wonder why there then was not 2 girls in the photograph?

Why did they leave her
on the door step of this
convent with nothing,

but a family portrait.

- powerful ending because although you say "all" they left, but to her it obviously was such a big thing to leave and meant a lot to her in many ways.

Good work on this, I enjoyed it, it reminded me a bit of the film Annie, and her circumstances. It left me with a lot of thoughts and curiousity which I like in poems because it makes the reader use their own imagination to get their answers.

5/5 xx

Well I was left speechless.... what a touching piece you have penned here... You reached into the hearts of the reader- The ending was spot on and I always admire a certain twist within a poem... Heartfelt poem!! very nice!

Wow, i wasnt expecting the ending! i love the imagery you captured, i can just see her standing by the window, clutching the family portrait with a look of distaught on her face...pondering why they left. i like how you left it open for the reader to make their own assumptions...great piece!