Family portrait (part two)

Many thanks for pointing me this way Tony. How can a reader not follow on from the first beautiful piece. The first stanza is beautifully written, and the reader is captivated from there, especially considering we're reading the unravelling of a story. This is so sad, it literally leaves a lump in my throat.

The sun bows down to the beauty
of the moon, while darkness consumes
her eyes hiding her falling emotions.

- loved the relation of the sun and moon, fantastic opening! Loved this stanza for the opening it is very strong.

She walks back from the window,
puts the box back; easing the picture
In her pocket and slowly walks,
down the stairs.

- I like how it reads as a story as the stanza's continue and you can see every new action this person takes.

Entering the cobwebbed hall, standing,
over her shadow she gets caught in a
moment of traumatic reminiscence -

- This is the point where I wondered where she was, as the cobwebbed hall gave an abandoned feel and I wondered if she was even in her own house or perhaps it was someone elses home. Or even that she has been so depressed and consumed by all of this she has not cleaned for a long time.

Grass, swings, sand these images racing
through her mind creating a turbulence
of forbidden memories.

- the word forbidden used here was great, really powerful and together with memories is just amazing because we cannot help what we remember so to remember something that feels forbidden is a very interesting thought.

The coroner says "time of death 10:13 pm"
as she takes one more look, at her incarnate
reflection she walks out the decrepit doors
for the first and last time.

- this stanza had me so confused because it could mean so many things. It could be that the sister has died, and being twins, as she looks at her twins dead body she see's it as a reflection of herself which is a very dark and powerful image. Or perhaps this is not what has happened now but something she remembers as she looks into a mirror? This stanza could be a memory too.

The reasons why these twins were separated
Are unknown, but one things for sure
One day, we will all know the truth.

- I think I agree with jenni here, I think because you have talked solely about the first sister through out and done it very powerfully, to end with the twin and in a weaker way kind of spoils the impact of the previous verse?

It is very interesting because for me it is still not entirely clear of the story, it is like a puzzle and it is your job as a reader to figure it out, it could be many but I think you had one idea in your mind? And as Hannah said, I think your idea was that she found out her sister had died and this was perhaps a morgue she entered when she seen the body?

Very interesting work, and a lot of good powerful words in both. Well done.

Wow, this is so unique and heartbreaking. Her twin passing away before she even got to meet her. :(

Love it! Are you gonna write another part?

I thought that this continuation is quite nice because it adds more information to the first part without making it seem boring or repetitive.

I would probably remove the last stanza completely though, it takes away from the poem and does not have that personal tone the other stanzas have.