Cathect

by Baby Rainbow   Aug 20, 2012


My trusting heart
and hopeful soul
gave all they had to you.
I opened up my life
to a promising future
which we would share together.
Bright butterflies and roses,
sprinkled daises on green fields
is how our love began.
Romantic gestures, candle lit nights,
embraced inside each others arms
as we gazed upon the starry sky.
Bouquets of flowers in crystal vases
tied with ribbons of your love
as we dreamily glided through the clouds.

As time passed on before my eyes
the romance faded into beyond
and your gestures became only memories.
The beauty began to disappear,
the flowers failed to bloom
as the green fields became thick with mud.
I desperately clutched to straws
exhausting what energy I had left,
but my weary heart would not give up.
To recover the dreams we chased,
to water the wilted flowers
but your touch was withdrawn and cold.

No longer butterflies and roses
but swords and shields instead
as we commenced to fight.
I refused to lose the war
in this one way battle field
which was now our dying love.
But my strength was wasted in vain
as you effortlessly walked away
leaving me motionless on the ground.
I had cathected to you all that I had
now there's nothing left of me,
as you killed me with no mercy.
Wild horses surround my view
as my sword slips out my hand
and I drown in my own blood.

My dearest self
what a fool you were
to cathect to a heartless stone.

Saffie
21

16/8/12

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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by Xanthe

    "Bouqets of flowers in crystal vases"
    ^
    bouquets

    "as the green fields turned thick with mud."
    ^
    turned -- grew ?

    "I abundantly clutched to straws
    exceeding the energy I had,
    my weary heart would not give up."
    ^
    abundantly? I'mnot sure it works here. eagerly? furiously?
    to -- on to ?
    exceeding -- exhausting? depleting? consuming? diminishing?
    'left' after had?
    A 'but' on the third verse? to separate the disagreeing ideas.
    -----

    I thought you did a really good job in the challenge, Saffie. The word you got was quite difficult to use, but you really took advantage of the imagery it presented as well, especially in the last verses. I love that.
    The transition from happy to sad images/events was done really well, it was neither fast nor too slow. Each image holds a symbol, I believe, and I especially love the bit about wild horses. I'm not quite sure what it stands for, but it is memorable to me. I thought it was a great image to use for dizziness? nausea? losing consciousness?

    Excellent write.

  • 12 years ago

    by Meme

    OMG! Thats so deep girl. I wish I can dig deep into myself and come up with something as good as this.

    Loved how tou started with those happy colorful images, I wondered for a moment why did she post in under sad! Then I got the image; or shall I say the opposites of everything happy in verse one. You penned this one to perfection hon.

    A suggestion though, first verse last line, I think it would be better visually if you break that line into two lines :)

    Keep up the outstanding writes xxx

  • 12 years ago

    by Khalid M Darwish

    Great piece my friend worth nominated

  • 12 years ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    I agree with Hannah, you did an awesome
    job

  • 12 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    You done a really good job in the challenge and used your word great. I had to look it up for its meaning, though. haha.

    The only criticism is I think it would read better if you broke it up into stanzas. It would read better in my opinion... however that's just me.

    Other than that, I love it.

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