Whose world is this?

What an amazing poem! I always enjoy seeing your poems! Another great job with no flaws!

She is the rarest common to exist in my world. A blue pearl buried in earth.

^^
Make this two separate lines from the fullstop in between. Maybe you intended this I don't know.
Change the first fullstop to a semicolon (;).
Also, alter the line:
'buried in earth' to 'buried in the earth'
A sweet opening stanza. Great word choice!

My emotions she sways and swirled.
Being my motivations, and my mirth.

^^
Watch your tense. I think 'swirled' should have an 's' on the end instead of 'ed'
Also, remove the 's' of motivation' - it doesn't really work. Change the first fullstop to a comma.

Her smile holds my heart.
Her eyes tenderly caress.

^^
This is a beautiful stanza. Beautiful imagery. Perfect flow. The emotion speaks volumes. Great job!

My hands fall apart.
When i pen what to express.

^^
CHange the first fullstop to a comma. Will make the lines flow more smoothly. Also capitalise the 'i' in the second line.
These lines are again really beautifully. I love the idea that your heart is in your hands when you are writing about her. Beautiful work!

Her speech fills every inch of my being.
Trembling at what I'm feeling and seeing.

^^
Again change the first fullstop to a comma to help it flow more smoothly. Rhyme here is good, but unnecessary since you haven't rhymed above.

Her hair she keeps vibrant. Always catching attention. How silent i am, when i bring it to mention.

^^
Instead of breaking the first two sentences into separates, connect them with a semicolon. Then decapitalise the 'Always'. Then bring the 'how silent I am, when I bring it to mention' to a separate line. This will continue with your original format.

Her arms, they hug me and form a armor.
They protect and love me, imbue an honor.

^^
Correction: 'form AN armor'
Great work with these lines.

Her ways are the sun's glow to my eyesight. Her quirks dot the sky in my twilight.

^^
Bring 'Her quirks...' to a separate line.
This has some nice imagery. Just a little bit, keeping with the simplicity of the piece.

And as i lay with her in serenity my vision blurs. I say it's my world, but it's really hers.

^^
From: 'I say it's...' - bring down to a separate line.
Watch the captilisation of 'i' again.
After 'serenity' add a comma.
At the end of the first line change the fullstop to a semicolon I think.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this ending.
THere's the impact that I was waiting for. It's simple, but very effective. Great work!

5/5

I enjoyed reading this poem and thought it presented your feelings well. Your rhymes did not seem cliche (in my opinion, but I haven't read a lot of rhyming poems lately either) and they added to the poem. Rhyming is easy to do, but tough to do well, that's why I sometimes prefer free verse, but I thought this was read- and enjoyable. :)

However, I am not fond of the way you present your poem; it doesn't feel as though there is any sort of structure in it because sometimes you work with couplets, while at others you do not. I would probably try and tidy it up a bit, so it's more appealing to the reader especially since line breaks give you the possability to influence the pace/flow you want your poem to be read with.

Another thing I realized is the fact that you only work with simple sentences, which is "okay", but it makes your poem seem a bit too plain. I'd recommend you to work with subordinate clauses and generally try to work with conjunctions instead of starting a new sentence all the time. If you did work with said devices then the whole poem will feel tied together and not like a "list".

But as Nana(^) said, you surely have potential and I thought that the poem was touching content wise.

You have potential, you have ideas, you have imagination, you have emotions, all you need to pay attention to is grammar...
I LOVE this piece, love the meaning, love the messages, love everything really. It is so lovely!

As for your typos and mistakes:

My emotions she sways and swirled.
Being my motivations, and my mirth.
^
the sentence lacks verb tense and type parallelism;

sways vs swirls (take off the ed, and add an S to swirl)

My hands fall apart.
When i pen what to express.

^capitalize :I"

Her speech fills every inch of my being.
Trembling at what I'm feeling and seeing.
^
your passion and love for that person, how cute ^___^

Her hair she keeps vibrant.
^she keeps her hair vibrant, sounds better ?

How silent i am, when i bring it to mention.
^ capitalize "I" and perhaps review the sentence, sounds...odd.

Her arms, they hug me and form a armor.
^an armor

They protect and love me, imbue an honor.
^ :) so sweeeeet!

Her ways are the sun's glow to my eyesight. Her quirks dot the sky in my twilight.
^
OMG this line is breath taking so magnificent dude!

And as i lay with her in serenity my vision blurs. I say it's my world, but it's really hers.

^add comma after serenity, capitalize "I", and DAMN that's such an ending line, awesome awesome awesome.. I love this poem really, if you could edit those little parts, it's just perfect