Comments : Dreaming or half awaken

  • 12 years ago

    by Xanthe

    I like how there are tinges of sadness and hopelessness in the beginning, love in the middle as good memories are brought back, then hope in the end with a bit of humour there - I'm not sure whether that was intended or not but it made me smile; I wasn't expecting that.

    Just some suggestions. :)

    "The head placed in your lap"

    in -- on ?

    "Life and imaginations floats free"

    You could make imaginations singular since the verb is plural, or the other way around.

    "Small pictures emerging the surface"

    'From' after emerging?

    "I like thinking without any restrain"

    'Restraint' is the noun.

    "Nothing is nice than cooling down"

    nice -- nicer

    "Laying in the hot sand getting more brown"

    Laying -- lying
    in -- on / upon

    -----------

    All is melting in love without shame
    Longing for the waters cool shore
    ^
    This is beautiful. My favorite part.

    Keep it up. I enjoyed reading this.