Secret Garden

by Chelsey   Aug 25, 2012


You've climbed a ladder to see over my brick
paved wall, that foresees a landscape I've crafted.
Daffodils and orchids grow wildly amongst the
fresh new grass I've planted over rocks.

You see, I'm the landlord of my hearts expressions.
Though I may have designed a life of happiness,
and I breathe upon you rays of the sun, I hide
the beaten gravel I once called my joy.

I knew you'd reappear, and forget why
this divider was ever built. Let me remind
you, of the unexplained actions that taunts
the serenity of my garden and wilts their petals.

Don't you remember being the reason
I ever wept under this willow?

I've come so close to taking forgiveness
a step farther, and allowing you to be
the hydration I've been lacking, but I can't.
Not until you explain why you chose to
canopy clouds over the bond we once called-
irreplaceable.

    report violation
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  • 12 years ago

    by Nema

    Dude..
    Seriously. Dude.. This is breathtakingly beautiful! I need to quote this part by part, so allow me to be a bit of a noisy commenter =D

    "You've climbed a ladder to see over my brick
    paved wall, that foresees a landscape I've crafted."
    ^
    Your opening lines are perfect. Just perfect!

    "Daffodils and orchids grow wildly amongst the
    fresh new grass I've planted over rocks."
    ^
    I love how you made rocks sound so weak and fragile here. Like normally, they'd come as a symbol of strength. Here, though, they're the total opposite.

    "Let me remind
    you, of the unexplained actions that taunts
    the serenity of my garden and wilts their petals."
    ^
    Shouldn't "taunts" and "wilts" be without the s?

    "Don't you remember being the reason
    I ever wept under this willow?"
    ^
    I see you've basically made strong resemblances in this poem, the weakest. First the walls and rocks, and now a willow tree. Quite a way to express the abysmal pain in your poem..great choices really :)

    The only real criticism I have here would be over your title, I didn't really think it was that intriguing, the thing that tugged me in was your name on the top sad poems :) Although it really does fit the content of the poem, so I'm guessing it's okay :) Sorry I'm just obsessed with titles haha!

    Love this Chels!!! =)
    Shine on and on and on~

  • 12 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    This also reminded me of the book by Frances Burnett.

    I really have nothing much to say since it's just beautiful. The ending was my favorite, definitely went out with a WOW! Just wanted to leave a little something saying I loved it. :)

  • 12 years ago

    by Thomas

    Nice way to describe your relationship with this person who is a former lover.

    I like the imagery you used with the flowers and the brick wall as a clear divider.

    Great job!

  • 12 years ago

    by Jenni

    Chels, I wish you didn't feel like writing these poems or feel that way at all, I'd much rather see you write happy poetry 24/7 and actually feel that way too, but I guess humans need both sides from time to time.

    I like the idea of the secret garden representing the situation and feelings..your disappointment shines through so vividly.
    I was really touched by this poem.

  • 12 years ago

    by Naughtymouse

    Chels.....sigh.....i cant really add anything to what has been said other than this is simply awesome, word choice is perfect and the flow when reading aloud is immaculate - seriously immaculate.

    I always love your writes ( as you know) because of how you construct the images from the bottom up and by the time the reader gets to the end it's like were looking at a forty foot painting close up lol always so much going on with whats said....and sometimes with whats not said too.

    Amazing and from the heart as always chels its 'wicked' ;-) x

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