Memories......of you

by BlackWolf Of Angest   Aug 28, 2012


Drunk on sorrow and stinging grief; Falling down; To weak to breath; You are gone; My life is done; Feel no pain; For I've gone numb; Becoming sober; I feel the tears come; Time has come an past; The thoughts of you....... Will always last

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  • 12 years ago

    by Lyndy

    I think you could make improvements to this..the format doesn't really work for me..maybe you could make it more uhm organized?..there are also some typo's like in these lines:

    'To weak to breath'
    'Time has come an past'

    ~~i think that should be 'too weak' and 'an' should be changed to 'and'

    also I feel kind of lost in this part:

    'I feel the tears come; Time has come an past'

    ~~this works but maybe you should rephrase it..it feels kind of off

    I like the ending

    just some thoughts...

    • 12 years ago

      by BlackWolf Of Angest

      Thanks for reading my poem. It means a lot. I've always wrote poems, but I've never let anybody read them untill now. And thanks for the advise, ill go back and make some changes :)

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