Great flow, I would never try to write a rap poem/song.. It's a vivid writing that catches the attention of the reader by the words being used. I try to read it rapping which never works out right lol. But I give you a high five for the effort and attempt which I think was well done.

Great ya... a bit sad, a bit emotional and I liked the flow... i found it as a diff. rap as most raps are funny... i think so.. yo gal... you did it.. great effort babe...;)

Gfreat write Krysten!
An impressive Rap if I ever heard one.
Loved the words you used, so expressive with meaning. This one gets my vote!

Woo hoo!!!

Loved it,

1 nit and only 1 loseing should be losing

otherwise it flowed great and it is full of raw emotion,
It is best read aloud in a rap style to appreciate it.

good write

I thought it was really good for a first attempt on writing a rap. My only suggestion is to use more metaphors than repetition as it makes the rap more intriguing other than that good first rap :)

Very good try