What you are of all (Kyrielle)

by Khalid M Darwish   Aug 30, 2012


Of all stars, you're the sun when sets
You're the sun while stars are planets
Of all girls, you're the queen with crown
You are the queen while girls put down

Of all flowers, you're the red wild;
the red wild one picked by a child
Of all nature you are best gown;
best with everlasting renown

Of all happiness, you're the nets;
The smile in which I never frown
Of all poems you've the best sets;
Those sets which made others run-down

Of all my nights you're the best, styled;
the best dream in which I'll sure drown
Of all weathers you're my best, mild;
while the others are upside down

* Each line is 8 syllables

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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by Khalid M Darwish

    Thank you Darren, everything repaired.

  • 12 years ago

    by Darren

    Good job, love the shape of this......I shall just check the syllable count...............
    ............................Line 4 only 7, change 'you're' to 'you are' for a quick fix.................
    ..................line 8, 9 syllables get rid of 'the'................................................
    ...........................line 13 has 9 syllables.................everything else ok

    now these two lines

    The smile in which I'm never frown
    Of all poems you're the best sets;

    my humble suggestion is to change 'I'm' to 'I' and 'you're to 'you've' as in you have.

    this just helps with the flow about.

    apart from these minor points this poem has great imagery and flow.
    I will give it a 5 now because it is almost there and I know you will fix the syllable count

    best regards.

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