Really nice piece (if rechecked concerning the varying syllables per line). I have the following suggestions making all lines as 8 syllables:

The rains melt across our sky;
the thunder drums a broken beat.
Hearts drown in messy despair;
the black glass is incomplete.

The rains melt across gloomy sky;
the thunder drums a broken beat.
Hearts drown in a messy despair;
the black glass remains incomplete.

Minds run to a distant nowhere;
no one knows the final price.
The black glass is unmalleable;
so why are we forever enticed?

Minds run to a distant nowhere;
till no one knows the final price.
The black glass is unmalleable;
so why are we always enticed?

The artists anger and stamp their feet;
because success cannot be achieved.
The black glass remains a molten mess;
no matter what they once believed.

The artists anger stamps their feet;
because success can't be achieved.
The black glass shows a molten mess;
no matter what they once believed.

Frustration bruises sorrowed hearts,
and hollows their broken minds.
Nothing but black glass bananas
can the artists fingers unwind.

Frustration bruises sorrowed hearts,
and thus hollows their broken minds.
Nothing but black glass bananas
can the artists fingers unwind.

This is really great and nice piece

The rains melt across gloomy sky;
**maybe change it to rain melts

the thunder drums a broken beat.
Hearts drown in a messy despair;
the black glass remains incomplete
**this stanza is beautiful. great opening. i can actually feel the thunder in my bones.

Minds run to a distant nowhere;
'til no one knows the final price.
The black glass is unmalleable;
so why are we always enticed?
** i can literally feel frustration in this stanza. i kinda feel like unmalleable is not a word so double check on that

The artists' anger stamps their feet;
because success can't be achieved.
The black glass shows a molten mess;
no matter what they once believed.
**awhhh now i wanna cry. i dont think you need a semi colon in the first line

Frustration bruises sorrowed hearts,
and thus hollows their broken minds.
Nothing but black glass bananas
can the artists' fingers unwind.
**i see what you did here. using bruised and then the black glass bananas. its like the work was rotten just like a black banana. just amamzing!

this whole piece blew my mind. literally. great work. im just so amazed how beautiful this work is.

keep it up!

Thanks Ashley!

I was looking at the word 'unmalleable' the other day thinking it was wrong, that perhaps I used the wrong prefix. So I looked it up, and it is indeed correct.

Glad you liked it, and thanks so much for the comment.