by Britt
I don't suck, i included mythology for you. Will comment when I'm at a computer, you jerk. |
by Nema
HAHA calm down ladies. You two are hilarious. |
No matter the challenge Mel, you always rise above it. This form is in no way easy.. I've never attempted it but Its definitely wonderful to see a gorgeous piece from this form. |
"I remember your spine more than your face" |
Mel this is such an emotional poem!!! Your words flow with so many different colours and perspectives....I feel nostalgia, pain, wonder, and mourning this feeling of...loss I guess? That last line killed me- "a false sense of Eden". It makes me think how much you must have met beauty in this person, encountering it and learning its love....yet in the end not being able to keep it, hold it. |
by Darren
Well done, a difficult task for most, the rhyme scheme was spot on, abababcc is usual for an Ottava Rima, as is correct use of Iambic pentameter. The syllable count seems spot on apart from line 2, it has 11 as far as I can see. If you drop 'a' it still falls within the form. |
by Melpomene
Hi Darren, |
by nouriguess
<3 Love this no end. |
by Britt
So even though you gave me a really nasty shoutout in the end of this poem, I'm going to rise above it and give you a comment. :P Snotface. |
by Mr Rush
So much to admire in this one, particularly as the form is a firm favourite of mine. Your use of rhyme and enjambment is skillful and shows a willingness to place meter before obvious need for line breaks which I find so refreshing. Strictly speaking, this isn't written in iambic pentameter, however the idiosyncracies of your work, including enjambment between stanzas, and feminine syllable rhymes which probably shouldn't work, yet somehow they do, makes me find this so endearing to read. |
by Maple Tree
I have always admired your poetry and this poem reminds me of why... your word usage! |
by Decayed
What a beautiful piece, Mel. I'm trying to comment thoroughly, but I find it hard since you always go abstract, and you always have this unique touch of making your lover's body a collage/mosaique of streets, cities, lights, mythologies, music, and poetry. |
by nouriguess
So time for a proper comment. :P |
The letter I probably should have written... |